


Late night talks

by SuperxjinX



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angels, Angst, Bars and Pubs, Beers, Brothers, Comfort, Damaged Dean Winchester, Denial, Depression, Drinking, First Times, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hotels, Hunters & Hunting, Hurt, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Monsters, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Pie, Secretly wanting, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, bedtime cuddles, chapped lips, hair petting, long stares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperxjinX/pseuds/SuperxjinX
Summary: Dean is struggling with his mental health, he thought he could handle it like he has handled everything else thrown at him and his brother..But this.. this is different.. he is alone in this..But Castiel does not want Dean to suffer alone. He wants to offer comfort. He wants to be there for his.. friend?Thing's happen.. Thing's change.. will they be able to fix it?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 30
Kudos: 103





	1. somethings wrong with Dean

**Author's Note:**

> Hii all!  
> This is my first SPN fic, arghh I'm so nervouse!  
> Just a fair warning that the rating may change from mature to explicit depending on how this goes..
> 
> Tags will be added each chapter i post, i dont want to give to much away at the beginning XD
> 
> This is set semmy canonical, i am trying not to have any time lines so i don't get anything wrong.. 
> 
> Anyway i love this show <3 started watching it a few months ago and have made it to season 13. Its amazing!
> 
> Anyway.. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Dean had been different lately. 

It wasn't something so obvious that he could not hide it. He could always hide the pain well. But not from Castiel. He thought he could of course but he was mistaken.

Castiel could see it in the sag of his shoulders as he drove. In the way he would look into the distance when he thought no one was watching. Castiel could see it in his eyes. Behind the boyish spark there was a persistent sadness.

He found himself studying the hunter as he, Sam and Dean drove back from a case that had ended up being a rather long one. They had been called in as a favour to a fellow hunter Castiel had not known and it had been tricky. Although both the brothers were worn out and in need of a good night's sleep Castiel could still sense that it was Dean who was suffering the most.

They pulled off the highway into a sketchy looking motel car park. The Impala's engine died with one last pur as Dean turned off the ignition. 

"I will go ahead and get the room.." said Sam, looking at his older brother.

"Yeah, yeah.. you two go ahead i'm right behind yah" replied Dean.

Sam nodded, too tired to notice the tremor in Deans voice as he spoke the words. Sam got out of the car pushing the door closed behind him. Dean let out a long breath before catching Cas staring at him in the rear view mirror.

He stared back a moment before turning to face the angel.

"Go on in Cas" 

Cas tilted his head slightly, wanting to ask what was bothering his friend but not knowing the right words to say. In the end he looked away.

"Okay Dean"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hotel room was aged to say the least. The wallpaper was peeling around the edges and the carpet smelt of damp. 

Sam and Cas had made it to the room first, Dean still not having caught up to them. Sam barely looked at the room as he walked straight to one of the double beds and fell face down onto it.

Cas surveyed the room, looking to the other double bed then to the sofa by the far wall. He could tell that countless people had spent long nights on it and judging by the stains they had not been clean ones. 

"Goodnight Sam" he said, looking to the face down Winchester.

He only received a tired grunt in response before the younger hunter's breath evened out to sleep. 

Cas found the television remote and switched it on, sitting down on the sofa. He tried to focus on the screen where two women were arguing about a man in front of a live audience but he could not help but glance at the door every few seconds.

He only let himself relax when Dean finally came through the door. Cas watched with a concealed smile as Dean's lip curled at the smell of the room. He looked to his brother who was now snoring quietly before sparing a glimpse at Cas.

Cas offered a half smile that did not get returned by the hunter. The angel looked back to the TV. It would be a long night if there was nothing better on, once Dean was asleep he would be alone with the television like he usually was.

He started however when instead of heading straight to the bed Dean walked over to the couch and sat down beside him. He didn't look at Cas instead just stared blankly at the TV screen. He reached into the bag he had brought to the sofa pulling out two beers, he slid one across the table at Cas.

Cas looked at it a moment before picking it up. They both open the beers simultaneously, Cas sipped at his as Dean drank down half the bottle in one go. The hunter lets out a long breathy 'ahh' placing the bottle down on the table.

They sat in silence for a while both watching the screen but not really paying attention. Dean was definitely looking at the screen but his eyes seemed distant like his mind was somewhere else entirely. Cas gave into temptation and broke the silence.

"Dean?"

"Yeah Cas?"

Dean looked over at the angel and Castiel felt that for the first time since walking into motel room Dean was actually there. The way Dean was looking at him caused Cas to pause, he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing.

"There is something on your mind" he stated.

"What makes you say that?" 

Cas tilted his head in the way that always seemed to make Dean visibly lean back. The intensity in the angel's blue eyes making Dean feel slightly uncomfortable. 

"I can tell Dean" 

"Oh really?" Dean answered with a smirk. "You using your spidey senses to read my mind?"

This statement visibly confused the angel for a second, causing Dean to stifle a laugh at the thorough of Cas's brow.

"Do you not want to rest?" Asked Cas.

"Awh you worried about me?" 

Dean said it in a mocking tone, a tone he used often with his younger brother to provoke a reaction.

Cas fought the urge to look away, hoping that the heat he felt in his face was not visible. He didn't reply, continuing to stare at Dean.

Dean cocked an eyebrow and looked back at the screen. 

An hour passed before Dean spoke again.

"Quit staring at me Cas! Its creepy" 

Cas knew this time that some colour must have shown on his cheeks. He stood abruptly causing Dean to sit up in his chair surprised. 

"What are you doing?" Asked Dean, a nervous tone to his voice.

"If I am being so 'creepy'" Castiel said with finger quotations. "Then I will go for a walk until you decide to actually rest"

Cas strode past him, keeping his eyes directed at the door and praying that the skin of his face was not flushed. 

"Cas wait.."

Cas stopped at the door, turning to squint at the fair haired hunter.

"Please.. don't go" 

The way Dean was looking at Castiel made the angels heart flutter. His green eyes seemed desperate, sad. He turned fully to look at Dean and the hunter seemed to realise how desperate he sounded and he looked away in embarrassment. Cas thought Dean looked very vulnerable in that moment.

The only sounds in the room were the TV and the faint hum of the air conditioning. Dean sat, waiting to hear the click of the door opening. Waiting to hear Cas leave. He should really, Dean had run his mouth as usual and probably upset his friend.

He was surprised however when Castiel stepped up beside him instead, looking down at him. Dean looked up at him, his throat becoming all to dry. He took a swig of his nearly spent beer as the angel seemed to study his every feature.

"Why Dean?"

Dean had almost jumped when Castiel had spoken. They had been staring at each other for so long the sound of Castiel's gravely voice seemed to break some kind of spell.

"Why do you want me to stay if I make you feel so uncomfortable?" Cas asked, unwilling to wait for Dean to come up with some excuse.

"I'm sorry man.. I uh.. I didn't mean it" Dean said, looking away.

Castiel tilted his head, stepping around Dean to sit beside him once more. He sat closer this time forgetting how Dean moans of personal space but the hunter did not mention it, intently looking at his beer bottle. 

"What's on your mind Dean?"

Dean did not speak for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip. His green eyes finally looked up at Cas which made the angel lick his lips subconsciously. 

"I'm just so fucking tierd Cas"

"Then you should rest"

"No.." he let out a breath. "I mean like.. mentally"

"Oh"

Cas was not sure what words to use. He was still incredibly unknowing of how to deal with human emotions. He had felt a few and they had terrified him. He pushed them down creating a barrier against them. He supposed it must be very difficult for Dean, being human, unable to be unfeeling. 

Dean was still looking at him, his eyes almost pleading for the angel to say something, anything, the silence was almost painful.

"I want to help you Dean" Cas broke the silence.

It was the truth. Castiel wanted nothing more than to help Dean Winchester. Ever since he pulled him out of hell and rebuilt him bit by bit. He had not known that saving Dean would change his life forever, obviously he had expected big things, Dean was the man who would fight for heaven in the apocalypse. 

What he had not expected however was how Dean had changed him, not just the world and the plan and heavens odds but him, the way he felt, the things he knew and the choices he made.

"I don't know how you can help me Cas.." Dean said so quietly it was barely audible but Castiel heard well enough.

"I just feel.. I feel empty.. like there is nothing left inside me"

Castiel's eyes widened slightly, leaning closer to the hunter, searching for words to say. 

He could not find any and the longer he stared silently at Dean, searching desperately for words, the more the hunter looked like he had regretted the decision to share.

Dean leant away from Cas, shaking his head. Cas knew he was going to pull away and the rare moment of Dean's wall being down was going to be over. He reached out quickly, taking Dean by the wrist and holding on gently.

Dean's whole demeanor became rigid as he looked at Castiel, eyes wide like an animal caught in a trap. 

"There is something there inside Dean" said Cas, blue eyes staring directly into green. Dean visibly swallowed. 

"I see it. Inside you, your light. It's strong and it's.. beautiful" 

Cas tightened his grip slightly, running his thumb over the skin of Deans wrist, feeling Dean pulse quicken under his touch. For a moment Dean seems to relax and if Castiel's eyes weren't playing tricks on him, like they rarely did, he even leaned slightly towards the angel. 

Then Sam let out a snore from his bed and the bubble was popped. Dean pulled his arm out of the angels grip, clearing his throat and looking away. 

"I uh.. I should get some sleep" Dean said gruffly, looking anywhere but Cas.

Cas kept his hand where it was for a moment, hovering in the air above where Deans arm had been, then he slowly lowered it. Dean got up glancing at the TV screen.

"You might wanna change the channel this movie sucks" and then Dean was away from the sofa. Three long strides taking him to the spare bed. He got in under the covers, his back to Castiel.

Cas had kept his eyes on Dean the entire time and now stared at his back. Did he do something wrong? He had thought Dean wanted comfort. 

He looked over to the TV and with a sigh clicked his fingers. The screen went black with a hum of static. 

The room was dark, the only sound was Sam's snores and Dean's heavy breaths from the bed. 

Castiel sat there in the dark, waiting for morning to come when he heard a muffled whimper from Dean's bed. Cas stood, walking silently over to where Dean lay. When he reached the side of the bed his suspicions were confirmed. Dean lay on his side, the covers wrapped tightly around his body as he curled in on himself. Cas could see the tears streaking his face in the moonlight that sneaked through the curtains. 

Castiel lowered himself to the bed, perching on the edge just behind Dean's upper back. The hunter felt the weight shift on the bed, frozen. Usually he would have lashed out at a sudden presence by his side but he could feel it was Cas.

The angel reached out hesitantly and placed his hands on top of Dean's head. His fingers finding their way into his hair. He paused then, waiting to see if Dean would object and push him away, waiting to see if he would lash out with his words like he usually did when Cas got too close. But he lay still so Castiel began to move his hand, gently stroking Deans hair in soothing motion. Dean slowly began to relax, his shoulders lowering from their stern position and a breath escaping through his nose.

He only sniffed a few more times before his breath started to slow and deepen. After a while he had fallen asleep all the while Castiel's hand continued his gentle caress. He did not leave his post behind Dean or his hand from his hair until the dawn began to break.

  
  
  
  
  



	2. You don't need a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!
> 
> I have changed the rating.. 
> 
> Anyway 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Dean stirred in his sleep, he was slowly coming awake, not yet willing to open his eyes to the new day. He felt warm and relaxed and was sure he had just had the best night's sleep he'd had in years. He stilled suddenly when he felt fingertips traveling gently through his hair, massaging his scalp from his ear to above his temple and back again in a slow lazy motion.

Cas. Oh shit. 

These were the two thoughts that came to his mind in that moment. He kept his eyes closed as Castiel continued his soft caress. In all honestly Dean didn't know what to do. He remembered the night before, remembered trying to open up to the angel, his friend. He had almost felt as though he could. Castiel had always been so willing to listen to him, so willing to be close. He was a reassuring presence in the hunter's life even with all the trouble he had brought along.

In truth Dean had been struggling for a while but that was okay, he could deal. Except the last few days he was starting to feel like he couldn't. He had thought about telling his brother but always stopped himself. Sammy had enough on his plate and Dean did not want to add to it. So he had stayed quiet about it. 

But last night when Cas had asked him what was wrong he could not help but tell him, well.. try anyway. Dean had never been good with sharing feelings but in that moment he had wanted to share with Cas. The angel had been looking at him so intently, his crystalline eyes looking right through him. As always though Dean had pulled away and fled from Cas, hoping he could just lie alone and wallow in his depression.

He had not expected Cas to sit behind him and pet his hair. His first instinct had been to push him away but the feeling of comfort it created in his chest stopped him from doing so. So he had decided to deal with it in the morning.. but.. now it was morning… and the room was light.. and Sam could wake up any minute and see Cas stroking his hair.

That last thought sparked panic in Dean's chest and he sat up in the bed quickly, turning to face Cas, the blankets pooling at his waist. 

"Good morning Dean" Cas greeted, slowly lowering his hand to his lap now that Dean's head had moved.

"Cas.." Dean breathed, lost for words.

Dean hadn't realized in his haste to sit up just how close Castiel was sitting. The angel was mere inches away, staring Dean directly in the eyes. Dean blinked when a small smirk tugged at the corner of Castiel's mouth, there for a second and gone in an instant. 

"I hope you slept well" 

"Er.. yeah.. Cas. About last night"

Cas tilted his head at Dean and the hunter had to swallow the lump that had appeared in his throat. He began to speak but started when Sam turned in his sleep. He looked at his brother then back to Cas, a hint of panic in his eyes.

"Please don't say anything" he begged, hating how pathetic he sounded.

"Say anything? About what?" Cas was confused.

He didn't seem to see the issue with Sam waking up and finding Cas sitting almost on top of his brother in the next bed over.

"About.." Dean getsured wildly between them. "This!" 

"This?" 

Dean let out a desperate breath. Sam began to stir more and Dean, without thinking, shoved at Castiel, pushing him from the bed. Castiel stumbled and righted himself, an expression that could have only been hurt crossed his face but was gone quickly. He narrowed his eyes at Dean and walked silently to the sofa, sitting so he was not facing the beds. Dean watched him for a moment, he felt guilty for pushing Cas when he had obviously just been trying to comfort Dean. He did not have time to ponder on it as Sam sat up in his bed with a yawn, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Hey.." he grumbled.

"Hey" Dean replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning ticked on as Sam and Dean got themselves up, showered and dressed. Castiel stayed on the sofa, staring absently out the window while the Winchesters made their coffee then sat at the table to discuss their plans. 

"Well, we should probably check in with Bobby.." said Sam, absentmindedly flicking through a day old newspaper.

Dean had not heard his brother, he was too busy looking over at Castiel who had not moved a muscle since sitting on the sofa and Dean was feeling more and more guilty.

"Hey! Dean!" Sam said a little louder, nudging Dean with his foot.

Dean looked back at his brother.

"What?!"

Sam eyed Dean for a moment, his eyes flicked to Cas. The younger Winchester had not missed Castiel's strange behavior or his brothers for that matter. Neither Dean nor Cas had spoken to each other the whole morning and Sam was starting to grow suspicious.

"What's going on?" Asked Sam.

"What do you mean?" Asked Dean in return, looking around the room as if Sam was seeing something he wasn't.

"Have you two had a fight or something?" 

This question caused Castiel to look over at the brothers. His blue eyes a little too wide. 

"What?! No!" Dean practically hissed.

"There has been no argument Sam" assured Cas in a monotone voice.

"Riight.." Sam said slowly looking between the two for a minute before shaking his head. "Whatever, anyway, I think we should check in with Bobby"

Castiel stood up from his position on the sofa, both men at the table looked at him. Sam raised an eyebrow whilst Dean bit unknowingly onto his lower lip. 

"Cas what's up?" Asked Sam.

He opened his mouth but then closed it looking at Dean and in the next instant he was gone. Sam blinked and looked questionably to Dean who just shook his head at his younger brother with a shrug. Sam let out an exasperated sigh and looked back at the newspaper. Five minutes past before Dean spoke.

"I think you should go ahead of me to Bobby's" 

"What? Why?"

Dean didn't answer straight away, looking at his reflection in his coffee. Sam sat waiting for his brother to reply, putting down the paper.

"I dunno man.. I'm thinking of taking a little time"

Sam looked confused.

"Time? For what?"

Dean forced himself to look at Sam, making his mouth into a tight smile that did not reach his eyes.

"Y'know, a little R and R"

Sam let out a huff which caused Dean to straighten, he knew his little brother was not going to let this go easy.

"Okay, what is going on? First you and Cas haven't spoken all morning then he disappears for whatever reason and now you're saying you want to what? Have a holiday?"

"Not a holiday! And Cas has nothing to do with any of it. I'm just tired Sammy.. I need a few days"

Usually Sam would press further, feeling that Dean was hiding something but the way Dean had said the words caused Sam to pause. He looked at Dean, really looked at him and if he was being honest he did look tired. He had large bags under his eyes and his complexion was definitely off.

"Alright.. well I will stay with you" he offered, worry now nibbling at him.

"No need Sam. I will be fine. Anyway we told Bobby we would go to him when the case was done and it's done. I just need a few days that's all" 

Sam was looking at him like he had grown another head and it took all Dean had to not look away. After a moment Sam let out a sigh, standing to refill his mug and Dean knew he had got his own way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours passed, Sam had tried several other attempts at either staying with Dean or getting him to go to bobbys but Dean was stubborn and had made up his mind so Sam had collected what little belongings he had and left. Dean had offered to drive him somewhere where he could get a bus but Sam had said he would be fine and Dean knew he would be.

When Sam had finally left and Dean was alone in the room he allowed himself to relax. The smile he had kept on his face faded and he slumped down onto his bed putting his head in his hands. The pit in his chest that he had been trying to ignore the last few days was becoming almost painful.

Trying to think of something other than his insistent depression he let his mind wander to Cas. He had definitely upset the angel, that much he knew. He had hurt Castiel's feelings and he felt like an arse for it. He didn't really understand why he was feeling this way, he was usually an arse to Cas but it had always been in a playful sense. This morning had been different, he had allowed Cas close, very close.. maybe too close and then pushed him away.

Dean was not an idiot, he saw the way Cas stared at him, the way he would always stand so close even though there was a whole room available, the way he would always come when Dean called. Not only that but others had made comments as well, little digs about Cas liking him. Dean thought maybe it was true but that was ridiculous right? Cas was an angel, a higher being, a soldier and a dude.. maybe he had given Cas the wrong idea..

He shook his head, looking up at the smoke stained ceiling.

"Castiel! Come in Cas"

He waited in silence, listening for the tell tale sound of feathers rustling but nothing came. 

"Cas!" He tried again.

Nothing.

He guessed he had really pissed his friend off this time. He stood up walking to his bag and looking inside. No beers.. damn it! He dropped the bag back to the floor, picked up his room key from the table and left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Castiel had needed to leave. When Dean had pushed him roughly off the bed and then refused to speak to him the rest of the morning Cas had just wanted to get away. He had spent the entire morning trying to control his facial features and it was becoming more and more difficult. So he had run away.

This annoyed him, a trained soldier such as himself should have been able to keep his cool but when it came to Dean Winchester that was not always the easiest thing to do, in fact it was damn near impossible.

He thought he had helped Dean the previous night. He was so pent up and sad that Cas had just wanted to sooth him off to sleep. It had worked, Dean had melted into his touch and fallen into a peaceful slumber. It had brought Casteil so much joy to make Dean feel at ease. Making Dean feel better made him feel better and it would have made Cas laugh if it wasn't so sad.

Castiel paused mid flight, he had been flying aimlessly for hours now and the sun was beginning to set. As he watched the burning orange star begin its descent into darkness he suddenly realized that maybe he had been selfish.

Yes he had given Dean comfort but was it just for the hunter? Castiel would be lying to himself if he said he did not want to touch Dean. He usually found little excuses to do so, a touch to the arm or shoulder during or after a fight. Appearing as if he was checking for injury but really just wanted to make contact with the man he called his friend. 

When he had seen the tears spilling from Dean's eyes he had stopped thinking altogether. Dean was a proud man and Cas felt he may have taken advantage of his pain.

He let out a deep sigh, he had heard Dean calling for him a few hours back but had been too embarrassed to return. Now he felt like a fool. He closed his eyes, when he opened them he was at a convenience store. He went in, brought a six pack of beers and some pie with some money Sam had given him when they had been hunting. Once back outside he willed himself back to the motel room.

The room was dark and empty. Cas placed his peace offerings down on the table, not turning on the lights, not needing them to see. Dean must have already left to get more beers, thought Cas.

He sat down on the stained sofa to wait for his friend, not turning on the TV, content to sit in silence until Dean's return.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was almost midnight when Cas heard Dean approaching the room. He sat up straighter, willing a smile onto his face. The smile died the second the door opened and Dean stumbled into the room with a scarcely dressed blonde woman hanging off his arm.

The two humans did not notice the angel sitting in the dark as they laughed drunkenly. Cas felt his cheeks begin to burn when Dean pushed the motel door shut, pressing the woman against the wall and kissed her wetly. 

Cas knew he should make himself known, as he opened his mouth to speak, the woman spotted him over Dean's shoulder and let out a scream of surprise. Dean swung round, instinctively pulling his hand gun from his trousers and pointing it at Cas. Castiel tilted his head at the hunter and Dean lowered the gun, letting out a breath when he saw it was Cas.

"Cas?"

"Is that a gun!?" The woman practically screamed.

Dean quickly put the gun back in his pants turning back to the frightened woman. He swayed slightly on his feet, the shots he had taken at the bar beginning to take full effect. He laughed not knowing what to say as the blonde looked from Cas to Dean. 

"What the hell is going on? Who is he?" She asked loudly.

"I'm Castiel"

Dean suddenly frowned, turning on the angel.

"What are you doing here?! Can't yah see I'm busy"

Cas looked down at his feet, he knew he was blushing and hated how it made him feel.

"I'm gonna go" the blonde said, making a B-line for the door.

"No wait.." groaned Dean, turning his back on Cas to look at her.

"I don't want to come between whatever you two have going on" she said, opening the door.

"There isn't anything!" Dean shouted after her but she had already left the room.

He turned to Cas, anger evident on his face.

"I'm sorry Dean" mumbled Cas, still looking at his feet.

The anger drained from Dean's face as he looked at Cas. His eyebrows knitted together when he saw just how awkward the angel was feeling. He spotted the beer and pie on the table and felt his chest warm. 

He stumbled over to the table, picking up a beer, opened it and downed the whole bottle. Cas had quit looking at his feet, instead watching Dean intently.

"You are quite inebriated"

"Alright auntie" Dean said sarcastically.

Cas rolled his eyes, walking over to Dean to place a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from swaying. 

"I did not mean to scare your guest away"

"Whatever. Don't matter"

Cas squeezed Dean's shoulder, tilting his head so he could make eye contact.

"You brought her home to give you comfort?" 

"Something like that"

Dean had meant it as a joke but even through the drunken haze he could feel the emptiness in his chest. The girl was just a way to forget for a little while but he guessed that idea had gone out the window.

"You should lay down Dean" said Cas, his grip on Dean's shoulder tightening as he moved him towards the bed.

"Hey man I'm good!"

His protests were ignored as they reached the bed and with a gently nudge Dean was falling back onto the mattress. He tried to sit up but at that point the room began to spin and he thought better of it, allowing his head to fall back. He pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the spinning. 

"Are you going to be sick?" Asked Cas, who stood at the side of the bed looking down at Dean.

Dean just shook his head not saying anything, his hands still covering his eyes. Castiel sensed the man's distress. He bit down on his lip trying to think of what to do to ease it. Then an idea came to mind, an idea that all reason told him to dismiss.

"Just get the light Cas. I need to sleep off these shots"

"Okay Dean"

Cas walked across the room, flipping off the lights and turning back to the bed. The curtains were not drawn and moonlight lit the room in a striped pattern from the blinds. Cas watched as Dean shifted himself shakily up the bed so he could rest his head in the pillow. 

With a moment's hesitation Cas threw caution to the wind and made his way back towards Dean. He stopped in between the two double beds, kicking off his shoes and removing his trench coat, folding it delicately in half and laying on the spare bed. Dean was watching him, his wide green eyes shining in the moonlight, his mouth hanging slightly open. Cas pulled his tie loose, throwing in on top of his trenchcoat.

"Cas what are you doing?"

"You do not need a stranger to offer you comfort Dean" Cas replied, his voice deeper than usual, sending hot waves through Dean's body.

He lowered himself onto the bed beside Dean so that he knelt just above him. Dean began to sit up, but Cas put his hand on his chest, not pushing just reassuring the man that he needn't worry. Yet again he felt the hunters heart flutter beneath his palm. He did not take his eyes off Deans as he slowly laid beside him, not breaking eye contact, searching for any signs that Dean may push him away. When he didn't Cas reached out slowly, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders and pulling him down so that Dean's head rested on Cas's chest. 

Dean didn't struggle or say a word. His breathing had picked up pace but he let himself be held by Castiel. He began to shake in the angel's grip, Cas felt Dean's fingers clutch at his shirt holding him as if he might disappear any second.

"C-Cas" Dean said through a sob and Cas embraced him tighter, his fingers finding their way into his hair again.

"It's alright Dean" he soothed. "I'm right here. I will stay right here"

Dean let out an almost silent sob but Castiel heard it and it caused a painful ache in his heart. He held Dean through his tears, not saying anything just allowing Dean's pent up emotions to drain from his body. After a while Dean fell asleep, still holding tightly to Cas, the angel's shirt now damp from the hunter's tears. He did not try to move or adjust himself in any way. He would do as he promised, he would stay here until morning and he would stay longer, because Dean needed a friend, he needed comfort and Castiel wanted to be the one to give it.

  
  
  



	3. Unexpected feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say happy victory day to everyone. I fully appreciate and respect the men and women that fought and died so that we could have a better future. If they could make it through two world wars we can make it through these hard times  
> Stay strong and kind people :)
> 
> Anyway
> 
> Please enjoy :D

Yet again Dean found himself coming back to the waking world but this time he was unable to stir from his position. Strong arms held him in place in a warm and comfortable embrace. He blinked his eyes, craning his neck to look up at his captors face.

Casteil had his eyes closed, his head propped up on a pillow. He looked as though he was sleeping but Dean knew better. Castiel did not sleep. Not when he had his full mojo anyway.

Cas looked.. well he looked peaceful. The usual frown absent, the skin of his face smooth. Dean slowly pulled his arm free from where it was trapped between their bodies, tentatively reaching up, running a finger tip across Castiel's slightly stubbled cheek. 

Cas did not move or respond which made Dean question if the angel was  _ actually _ sleeping. He frowned. This was weird right? Like if anyone saw them like this what would they think? What should they think? Dean didn't exactly make a habit of cuddling up to men in bed. 

He groaned inwardly, placing his palm to his face. He had obviously had way too much to drink last night and look where it had got him. He had been expecting to wake up with a hot naked blonde in his bed but instead here lies Castiel, shirt and trousers creased from lying beside Dean all night. 

What bothered Dean the most about this situation was how good it had felt, how safe he had felt. Castiel's embrace was strong and sure and Dean, for the first time in a long time, had not felt the need to have his gun under his pillow.

But this situation was a problem. He was definitely giving Cas mixed messages right now and he knew it. He didn't want Cas to get the wrong idea.. Dean had been drunk and annoyingly unable to control his emotions and Cas had been there..

Dean shook his head, that was an unfair way of thinking. It's not like he protested when Castiel had climbed onto his bed, in fact Dean had been surprised by his heart rate picking up as the angel removed his jacket. Had felt his heart almost stop when he had then removed his tie. These were all feelings Dean was not prepared to deal with. 

He decided he should get out of Castiel's grip and soon before anymore unwanted feelings began to surface.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel was not sleeping, not really. He had allowed himself to slip into a deep relaxation state which was probably the closest thing an angel could get to sleep. 

He had been very worried about Dean the night before, even more so when he had wrapped him up in a hug and the hunter had begun to cry. Dean didn't allow himself to break like that often and it had caused Castiel's heart to ache tremendously. But after a while Dean had fallen asleep, and Cas had stayed still, supporting Dean's weight with his arms and feeling his head on his chest. 

When Cas was sure Dean was asleep he had let out a long breath. He was glad that he had some control over how fast his heart was beating otherwise the hunter would have thought he was going to have a heart attack. The feel of Dean being pressed against him, his warmth seeping into his side was amazing. Castiel hated himself for thinking such thoughts as Dean was in such emotional turmoil but he could not help it.

He had fantasised about being in Dean's bed many times but under much different circumstances. He had pushed the thoughts from his mind and closed his eyes, focusing on the weight and warmth of his friend until he could feel nothing else. He had lost track of time and had not noticed it was morning. Had not noticed that Dean had woken up. That was until he had felt a finger tracing his cheek. It took everything Cas had to stay still and keep his face neutral. 

He had continued to stay still, playing at being asleep while he felt Dean shift again letting out a very deep sigh. Then he had felt Dean begin to sit up and decided to quit playing dead and open his eyes.

When Castiel's blue orbs opened Dean was halfway through trying to untangle himself and sit up. He noticed Cas had opened his eyes and froze in place, his own eyes growing wide with surprise. 

"H-hey buddy" Dean stammered.

Cas frowned at the term 'buddy', sitting himself up so he was at eye level with Dean. 

"Hello Dean"

Dean let out a nervous, shaky laugh that made Cas tilt his head. 

"Do you feel better this morning?" Cas asked.

The angel leaned ever so slightly closer to Dean causing goosebumps to run up the hunters arms. 

"Er.. yeah! Just a bit of a headache that's all"

"Let me help with that.." offered Cas, lifting his hand towards Dean's forehead.

"N-no!" Dean yelped, hand flitting out on instinct to catch Castiel's wrist. "I er.. I can deal with a headache"

"Please Dean" and something in the way Cas said these words caused Dean to swallow, his eyes flitting to Castiel's chapped lips.

He released his grip on Castiel's wrist, his hand dropping to the bed with a soft thump. Cas pushed his hand forward through the air, Dean no longer blocking its way and placed two fingers just above Dean's left eyebrow. 

Dean felt his headache fade instantly, the warmth of Castiel's angelic powers flowing down through his body but Cas did not move his hand away, instead keeping his fingers where they were and staring intently at the hunters face.

"Um.. Cas?" 

Cas ran his fingers painfully slow down past Dean's eye, along his cheek until they rested on his jawbone, the trace of his touch leaving a heavenly warm trail. 

"Yes Dean?" 

Dean's heart was beating so fast, too fast. The hunter was sure it would explode at this rate, it only picked up pace as Cas leaned forward even more, the distance between their faces a mere inch, his fingers sliding under his chin gently lifting his face. 

It was only when he felt Castiel's breath ghost his mouth, the warm air sending a spark of electricity down Dean's body until it bloomed into heat down south, that the pin dropped in Dean's head and he pulled away sharply from Castiel's grip. Cas stayed frozen in place as Dean pushed himself off the bed, almost falling over backwards in his hurry.

"I need a shower" he blurted out, turning away and hurrying into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Yes a very cold shower, thought Dean. His whole body was hot and he knew he must have been blushing from head to toe. The heat in his stomach being the most concerning part of all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The instant the bathroom door slammed shut Castiel let out a groan, placing his head in his hands, his knees pulled up so his elbows could rest upon them.

How much idiocy can one angel show? All those times Dean had called me stupid he was correct, thought Cas, rubbing violently at his cheeks. 

He hadn't been thinking, not clearly anyway. Being pressed up against the man he had been infatuated with for what felt like forever had messed with his head, caused him to give into human temptation. 

As the early morning sunlight filtered through the blinds they had hit Deans forest green eyes in the most spectacular way and Cas had become lost in them. As he had run his fingers across the smooth skin of Dean's face, the hunters lips had been parted just slightly and Cas had wanted to catch those plump lips with his own. He had been so close.

Then Dean had looked.. frightened? 

"Oh father give me strength" he groaned into his hands.

He heard the shower come to life behind the bathroom door and lowered his hands to look in that direction.

Cas thought about his promise to stay. Did he really have the right to do so when he was acting so selfishly? 

He climbed out of the bed, running his hands down his front to flatten the creases in his shirt and trousers. A blush crept onto his face when his hand brushed against the dying erection in his pants. 

I can't stay here.. I can't keep control of this body.. I need to get as far away from him as possible. 

He hurriedly grabbed his coat, pulling it on roughly along with his tie. Once back in his full attire he closed his eyes, ready to will himself away, maybe Russia, that was nice and distant. He stopped however when he heard Dean's phone start to ring.

He turned to look at the device, giving it a death glare as it vibrated across the surface of the table. He glanced at the door, the shower was still running. With a deep sigh he picked up the phone.

"Hello"

"Cas! Hey!" 

Sam's cheerful voice met his ears.

"Sam"

"Is Dean there?"

Cas looked over to the bathroom door before answering.

"He is in the shower"

There was a pause on the other end of the phone before Sam asked;

"How is he?"

"Uh.."

"Is something wrong?"

Cas pulled his eyes away from the bathroom door, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"He has been rather distressed"

"I thought as much.." Sam let out a sigh. "I'm glad you're there with him. Will you keep an eye on him for me"

Cas felt guilt blossom in his chest again at Sam's words. Sam trusted Cas enough to watch out for his brother.. Dean had trusted him and he felt he was only acting selfishly.

"Cas?" 

Castiel realized he must have been quiet for too long as Sam's voice was laced with worry.

"I will remain here with Dean"

Sam let out a breath of relief.

"Thankyou Cas. That makes me feel alot better. Listen, don't tell him I called he will just get annoyed with me checking up on him. Oh and just watch out for how much he is drinking"

"Okay Sam"

The line clicked as the call ended and Cas put the phone back on the table. He looked down at his feet, seeing that he had yet to put his shoes back on. He looked over at them, still sat between the two beds, a voice in the back of his mind telling him to put them on and leave before Dean got out the shower and he could embarrass himself anymore. He didn't though, instead he collected a clean fork from the kitchenette and placed it beside the pie he had brought the day before. He then made a cup of coffee, placing it beside the pie then sat opposite, staring at the empty seat that Dean would soon fill.

He would keep his promise and stay whether it was a good idea or not. Sam was relying on him and Dean needed a friend. He balled his hands into fists in his lap, pushing down the too human emotions that had been slipping past his barrier the last 48 hours. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Dean had been standing under a stream of cold water for about five minutes. He stood there forcing himself to stay under the cold cascade until his skin started to breakout in goose flesh and he began to shiver. He turned the heat up a fraction, deciding it would be shitty to catch a cold on top of everything else.

He was feeling shaken up to say the least. He had just spent the night pressed up against an angel.. his best friend.. a.. a guy! 

He had felt incredibly comfortable sleeping in Castiel's arms and that was okay right? Like, the guy  _ was _ his best friend and it was okay to be comfortable around your friends.. right? Nevertheless, that was not the issue that had caused him to flee to the shower, no, it was the fact that when Cas had been holding his chin, studying his face with that intense blue gaze, he had not been able to look away from the angel's full, chapped lips. It was as if they were hypnotising him, calling him to close the distance and taste them. Then he had felt the heat in his abdomen traveling below the waistline and he had just freaked.

What the hell was that about anyway?! 

He roughly grabbed a bottle of shampoo the motel had provided and started scrubbing at his scalp. He closed his eyes to stop from any suds getting in, letting the warming water wash away his doubts.

He should probably talk about whatever this is with Cas. Set things straight and sort out any mixed messages that may have been put across. 

He finished washing off and switched off the shower, towling himself dry before pulling on some clean clothes. He ran his hands through his damp hair, taking a steadying gulp of air before opening the bathroom door.

He looked to the bed to find it empty, the sheets thrown aside. For an instant he panicked, seeing that Castiel's coat and tie were gone from the bed, thinking that maybe Cas had left but then he rested his eyes on the table and saw Cas sitting there, shoulders hunched. 

He could not help but smile at the sight of him, relieved that he had not fled, glad he would have the opportunity to set all this straight. He strolled over to the table, noticing the pie and coffee, his stomach began to rumble and he took his seat.

Cas tried his best not to stare as Dean tucked into the day old pie, tongue licking the fork clean after each mouthful. After what felt like hours, Dean finished and pushed the empty container away from him, leaning back in his chair with a content sigh.

Dean looked across the table at Castiel and the angel's eyes flitted up to meet his. There was static in the stare as always but this time Dean could feel it. He licked his dry lips, leaning forward to place his arms on the table.

"So er.. Cas.. buddy"

Castiel frowned. There it was again 'buddy', Cas decided he hated that word. Dean seemed to notice the change in Castiel's expression and swallowed dryly.

"Last night.. I was pretty wasted man" he let out a forced laugh that died quickly when Cas continued to frown at him. "Er.. I wanted to say thankyou.. but I should be alright now"

"You want me to leave?" 

Cas had meant it to sound neutral but there was a hint of hurt in his voice that betrayed him.

"No!" Dean said loudly, he reached his hand out across the table, Castiel's blue eyes looked down at it, then with a gulp Dean pulled it back. "No Cas I don't want you to go"

Castiel could feel his heart beginning to pick up pace and he pinched his leg under the table to try and gain control of it.

"I'm just saying that er.. well Sammy isn't here so there is another bed.."

"I don't need to sleep"

Dean bit his lip.

"I know.. I just"

"You would prefer it if I did not lay beside you"

No.. thought Dean but instead of voicing this he nodded. Cas looked away and Dean yet again felt like an arse. Castiel looked so disappointed and Dean hated that it was him who had made Cas feel this way.

They both remained silent for a moment, Cas continuing to stare into his lap as Dean struggled to find the words to say. He looked around the room, noticing the sun beaming through the window and decided that they should get out of the room for a bit, away from the tension. Maybe a change if scenery would make the conversation easier. 

Dean stood from the table drawing Castiel's eyes back to him.

"There is a town close by. What do you say we go have a look around"

Castiel's Adam's apple bobbed, he did not stand.

"You want me to go with you?" He asked, sounding very unsure.

Dean smiled down at him, nodding his head.

"Yeah man, of course"

This caused a smile to spread across Castiel's face, his white teeth flashing and Dean felt an explosion of adoration for the angel in his chest. Damn that smile. He reluctantly turned and grabbed his keys by the door. Some fresh air will help with these feelings.. he hoped.


	4. I've gone to far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

The drive into town was awkward to say the least. Cas had followed Dean out of the motel to the car without saying a word and as they both got into the Impala the silence had only grown. After about five minutes of it Dean could not take it anymore so had switched on the stereo feeling slightly less awkward when Led Zeppelin filled the quiet air. 

Dean had snuck a glance over at Cas, who to his amusement was tapping his foot along to the beat. He smiled to himself, looking back to the road before the angel could see. 

He pulled the Impala into a parking lot in the center of the town, switching off the engine, the music dying abruptly. Dean looked over at Cas who was looking through the window at the people passing by.

"Wanna take a look around?" Dean asked, bringing the angels gaze back to him.

Cas looked at him, a small smile working at his chapped lips.

"Wherever you go Dean I shall follow"

This statement caused Dean's stomach to flip. There was so much meaning behind those words and the hunter found himself wondering in what way Cas had meant it. He pulled his eyes away from the blue globes, clearing his throat and getting out of the car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

After several hours of wandering around the town with little to no conversation they had ended up in the place Dean had been the previous night. The local bar. 

Dean made his way back to the table he and Cas had picked in the back carrying two beers. He sat down opposite the angel pushing one of the beers towards him. Castiel thanked him and they both took a drink. 

Dean felt techy. They had barely said anything to each other since leaving the motel room and it was beginning to wear on the hunter. He looked over at Cas who was intently watching a couple of men play pool, his eyes following the coloured balls as they rolled across the green velvet. He felt the uncomfortable empty feeling twinge in his chest again making him shift in his seat, which in turn caused Castiel to rest his searching eyes on him.

"You are feeling dismal again" Cas said.

It wasn't a question, the angel had said it as a statement. Cas was right of course and it annoyed Dean that Castiel was able to tell how he was feeling so easily.

"I'm fine" he lied, taking another drink.

"You do not need to lie to me Dean. It's quite pointless, I can feel it"

Dean glared at him over his beer, choosing not to reply back, not really knowing what to say.

"What has gotten you feeling this way Dean?"

"Ahh Cas c'mon.. you don't wanna talk about this"

Dean placed his beer back on the table, running his spare hand through his hair. He froze when he felt Castiel clasp the hand clutching the beer bottle. Cas was leaning across the table, his tie brushing the polished wood.

"I do want to talk about it and I believe you  _ need  _ to talk about it" 

Dean's eye's instinctively flicked around the bar, making sure no one was looking in their direction. Cas caught the worried look and removed his hand from Dean's, placing it in his lap.

Castiel thought the urge to look away, pushing down the feeling of embarrassment Dean's reaction had caused. After a moment's silence under the persistent blue stare Dean let out a sigh, giving in. 

"I just find it hard sometimes"

"What are you having difficulty with?"

"I dunno man.. carrying on"

Cas felt a pit open inside him.

"Living?" He asked, scared of the answer.

"No.. yes.. no.. i.. i don't know" 

Dean looked down at his beer, his bottom lip quivering until he bit onto it.

"Why do you feel this way Dean?"

Dean looked Cas in the eyes then, his stare sure, his lips pressed together until they turned white.

"Do you really need to ask that question?" He bit out, causing Cas to lean back. "Look at this life! One shit storm after another. Trying to save people.. but I can't.. I can't save everyone and people rely on me and Sam.. Sam relies on me.. to be strong and carry on but sometimes.. sometimes I just don't know how.." 

He trailed off, gulping for air. Tears stung at the corner of his eyes, his hands in fists on the table. It was like the dam Dean had been trying to keep up had burst and feeling the wash of his worries explode through was almost overwhelming. 

Castiel stayed silent for a moment, watching Dean's rigid form. Hesitantly he reached his hand across the table again, slowly laying it on top of Dean's clenched fist. 

"Dean.." he breathed his name like a prayer. "You have saved the world. All the lives on this tiny planet. They are alive because of you and your brother. If you need a reason to carry on that should be it. Children play in the sun and families eat together. Because of you. You didn't have to fight for the right thing. No one asked you too but you did. You amaze me Dean" 

Castiel's grip tightened on Dean's hand, trying to convey the amount of truth in his words. His lips parted allowing a shaky breath to escape. He looked down at Castiel's hand on top of his fist, opening his hand so that Cas' reasted in his palm.

"And because of you" 

Castiel blinked.

"What?"

"You helped save the world too" Dean explained.

A sadness seemed to swarm in Castiel's eyes and he pulled his hand out of Deans grip. He did not reply, instead looking over at the now empty pool table. Dean slid his hand back around his beer, glancing around the bar. It was growing late and most of the customers had left for the night.

"Wanna play?" He asked the angel.

Cas looked back at him with wide eyes. 

"I don't know how"

"I will show you"

Dean stood, tilting his head at Cas so he would follow and made his way over to the pool table.

He passed Cas a cue and chalk, directing him on how to use it and what they were for. 

He positioned Castiel at the top of the table as he set up the balls, Cas watching every move he made. Once they were set he walked to stand beside Cas, placing the cue ball in front of his trench coat wearing friend. Cas just stared at Dean questionably as Dean stood waiting for Cas to begin. After a beat Dean remembered that Cas had no idea what to do.

"You need to break-" he explained moving behind him.

Castiel became stiff as Dean reached around him so that his arms were on either side of his ribs, his hands closing around Cas' wrists to get him into position. Castiel could feel his face become red, feeling Dean's chest against his back, he tried to ignore it, trying his best to focus on what Dean was saying. 

"Right. So you aim" he explained, his lips achingly close to Castiel's ear as they both leant forward over the table. "And shoot"

Cas did as instructed, sending the cue ball hurtling towards the others and breaking the triangle. The angels heart beating as loud as the crash of plastic on plastic. 

"Great break man!" Dean beamed, turning his head to look at Cas' face.

Cas turned his head to, their faces so close in that moment. Dean was smiling, for the first time in weeks a genuine smile. Then he seemed to remember that he was pressed up against Castiel's back and took a step back, clearing his throat and scratching at the back of his head.

"Now just pick a ball and try and pot it" he explained, awkwardly grabbing a cue for himself.

Cas was a quick learner and after a few more games and a lot more drinks they ended up being the last people in the bar. The barmaid informed them that they were closing, eyeing the laughing pair with a smile as she walked away.

"That was fun!" Cas laughed.

By this point the angel had ingested enough beer to knock any human out and he swayed slightly on his feet. Dean grinned, feeling a little unsteady himself and chucked his arm around Castiel's shoulders as they made their way out of the bar. 

"Argh man!" Dean groaned when they made it out onto the pavement. "I can't drive 'm drunk"

Cas supported Dean's weight as he pouted down at his baby, running a hand across the sleek metal. 

"I will take us back" said Cas, straightening slightly.

Dean looked at him, laughing. The angel's hair was sticking up in all directions as he tried to look responsible.

"You shouldn't drink and fly dude" 

Cas rolled his eyes. Dean blinked and they were stumbling into the motel room. Being under the influence Cas' landing was wonky causing Dean to lose his feet and fall forward. Castiel caught him before he hit the floor, his arm wrapped around the hunters middle their faces inches apart.

"Smooth landing Earheart" Dean teased.

Cas could feel Dean's heart pounding through his clothes, their bodies pressed together. He slowly pulled Dean back up so they were standing. He made no move to separate their forms still holding Dean close to his chest.

The conversation he and Dean had had that morning flashed in his mind. Remembering how Dean had hinted about not wanting Cas close. But right now with their bodies pressed together he wondered why he had said it. He wasn't pushing Castiel away now.

The silence was thick as they stared at one another. Cas inched his face forward so that their noses brushed causing Dean to physically shiver in Castiel's arms. 

"Cas"

"Dean?"

Cas was so close all Dean could see was blue.

"I can't.."

Cas paused but did not pull away searching the green orbs for truth.

"Why?"

"You're.." and even before he finished the sentence he knew it was a feeble excuse. "You're a dude"

Castiel's head tilted a fraction, pulling Dean closer against him causing Dean to gasp.

"Is the gender of my vessel really so important?"

And there it was. The question that Dean had been needing to confront. Was it really such a big deal that Cas was a guy? If you had asked Dean that question a few years back the answer would have been a simple yes but Cas was different. Castiel had managed to get past all of Dean's defenses and the hunter had been laid bare to him. As he looked into Cas's deep eyes he realized that the answer was no, it did not matter. He wanted Cas, wanted him as a friend, wanted him close, wanted him for who he was and not for the vessel he wore.. wanted to close the gap..

And without even noticing he had moved he closed the last centimeter. 

Castiel's lips were softer than he had imagined they'd be, the slight scratch of stubbled against his smooth chin sent waves of excitement through his body. 

Cas gasped into the kiss. He had wanted this for so long but had never believed it would happen. He removed one of his arms from around Dean's waist, placing it on the hunters face, confirming that this was real, this was happening. He still felt doubt nibbling at his mind so he did something he had never done before, afraid it would have been too much an invasion of privacy, he looked inside Dean's head. He needed to confirm that Dean wanted this, that he was not just going along with it because he was drunk, he felt the need radiating from the Winchester, Dean wanted this! Cas smiled around the kiss, feeling his heart thud heavily inside his chest.

They separated, Dean panted for breath, his eyes half lidded. Cas thought he looked spectacular in that moment, cheeks flushed and pupils blown. Any control the angel had shown before this dissipated. His other hand found its way to Deans face and he pulled him back into a more heated kiss. The need he had felt for the fairer haired man finally breaking free.

Dean let out a surprised noise as Cas pushed him backwards until his back hit the wall, pinning Dean's body with his own. For a moment he remembered that Castiel was a lot stronger than him but quickly realized he did not need to worry, Cas' touch was sure but gentle as he ran his hand from Dean's cheek down his chest and across his stomach.

It was like Castiel was mapping his entire body with his hands. The angel had waited too long for the opportunity to get to know Dean's body in this intimate way and he was definitely making the most of it.

Dean leant his head back against the wall, eyes closed and breath coming in short huffs. Cas took this opportunity to kiss at his throat, soft lips mouthing at his Adam's apple, sucking at the tender flesh until he left a mark. Cas pulled away enough to look at the mark he had left and Dean opened his eyes. He felt his legs grow weak seeing the look of pure lust on Cas' face, the blue of his eyes three shades darker as he looked Dean over.

"C-cas.." Dean whimpered, his grip tightening on Castiel's shirt as his legs became like jelly.

Cas seemed to understand and with a small yelp from the hunter he wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, lifting him with no difficulty, urging Dean's legs to wrap around his waist as he carried him towards one of the double beds. He placed Dean down gently onto the mattress, standing to push off his trench coat, allowing it to fall to the ground in a crumpled heap, not caring to fold it. 

Dean's arms were stretched towards Cas as he stood over him and Cas fell forward into them without hesitation. They were a tangle of limbs as their lips met again, desperate and full of need. Hands ran through hair, across clothed skin and under shirts, their bodies pressed so tightly together, it became hard to know who ended where. 

Cas rocked his hips against Deans, their erections rubbing together through too tight fabric releasing a hoarse groan from the hunters throat. The noise seemed to spark something in Cas, he looked at Dean, his eye's swimming with excitement. Slowly, making sure to keep his eyes locked with Dean's he ran his hand down his chest until his fingers traced the band of Dean's jeans. 

Dean felt like he was on fire as he looked into Cas' eyes. Then, just as Castiel ran two fingers below the denim Dean felt his heart almost stop, he grabbed Castiel's hand and the angel's eyebrows raised in surprise. 

"Cas.. W-wait" 

The lust in Castiel's eyes seemed to die instantly at Dean's frightened tone. He pushed himself up off of Dean so that he sat on his knees beside him.

"I'm.. I'm sorry Dean" he stuttered.

Cas had lost himself in the intensity of the moment, had forgotten how long it had taken to get to this point, how long it had taken Dean to trust him. He had felt Dean's fear in that moment and it was like the dream had ended, he had gone too far.. he made a move to get off the bed but Dean grabbed his shoulder. 

"Cas.."

"I went to far Dean"

Dean frowned, the euphoria from the previous moment fading fast.

"No I just-" Dean began to protest but was silenced by Cas lifting his hand to stop him.

Cas stood from the bed. He had gone back to his usual collected self, straightening his shirt and collecting his coat from the floor. Dean wanted to tell Cas that he was getting it wrong, he hadn't gone too far, he hadn't done anything Dean had not wanted to happen. He had just needed a minute, a minute to process what was happening, what he was feeling.

"I think you should go to sleep.." Castiel said in a forced monotone voice.

He reached his hand towards Dean's head, Dean managed to dodge the hand, hitting it away from his face and getting to his knees on the mattress. He was a lot more steady now the situation he had found himself in sobering him up.

"What! Wait! Cas listen it's okay.. I'm okay!" He said in a desperate tone, trying to calm the angel.

"You are right. You seem stable now. You no longer need me here. I have drank to much and become irresponsible"

The tone of Castiel's voice was cold and it caused a pain in Deans chest.

"What are you talking abou-"

Cas had taken the opportunity of Dean confusion and reached forward touching his fingers to the hunters head, Dean felt himself slipping out of consciousness as he fell backwards on the bed the last thing heard before his eyes closed was;

"I'm sorry Dean.. I love you"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

Dean came awake abruptly, lashing his fists out into the air as he sat up with a gasp. He was on his knees in an instant in a defensive stance, looking around the room. Castiel was nowhere in sight, the room empty of anyone but Dean. 

He lowered his arms slowly, blinking several times.

"CAS!"

His yell echoed off the walls, ringing in his ears painfully. 

"CAS! YOU GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" 

By this point he was on his feet, screaming at the smoke stained ceiling. He looked around, nothing. 

"DON'T YOU IGNORE ME! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! YOU CANT.. you can just do that"

He lowered his voice realizing that he was shaking violently. With a growl he kicked out at the nightstand, his foot breaking the old furniture. He glared down at the broken wood, trying to gain control over his breathing. The anger inside him built to a peak then slowly began to fade into something else.

Cas had actually gone.. He shouldn't be surprised really, Castiel often disappeared when things got difficult but this was different, this was personal and instead of dealing with it Cas had put him to sleep and ran away.

"Son of a bitch" 

He squeezed his eyes shut thinking back to the night before. Cas' hot breath on his face, his lips against his, tasting of beer and something sweet Dean could not place. It had been amazing, exhilarating and so damn hot. 

He shook his head remembering the lust filled look in the angel's blown pupils. No one had ever looked at Dean that way. He had been with a lot of women in his time and none of them had made him feel the way Castiel had done in those few short moments. 

He had forgotten about his depression, about the painful past and the uncertain future. All he had felt in that moment was Cas.. and Cas had made him feel loved.

'I'm sorry Dean.. I love you'

The angel's words echoed in his head. Had Cas really said that? Was it possible for something as otherworldly and absolute as Castiel to love him? A trash mouthed hunter with a bad attitude and even worse habits.

The realisation that he wanted Cas to have said those words hit him like a freight train and he fell back onto the bed on his butt, clutching the mattress in his shock.

All this time he had been in such denial. Picking on Cas like a boy does his crush. Panicking whenever the angel did not reply. Eye's lingering on Castiel's lips when he spoke his name. He was so fucking stupid! Being hung up on something like sexuality when they lived in a world as crazy as theirs. 

He had come to the realisation that it did not matter if Cas appeared as a guy, that was not important not really and Dean kicked himself for having pushed down these feelings based on that soul fact. Cas was Cas and it did not matter whether he was male or female or something else entirely, it just mattered that he wanted Dean and the hunter had worked out maybe too late that he desperately wanted Cas.

"Cas please.." he begged into the empty room. "I hesitated and I'm sorry. It wasn't anything you did.. it was all me.. please Cas come back

He hated that he had practically used the it wasn't you its me line but he didnt care. He just wanted Cas to come back so he could fix this and return the feelings that Cas had shown towards him.

But Cas did not appear and after another twenty minutes of waiting he decided that the angel was not going to show.

He slipped into a distracted daze then, getting to his feet and heading to the bathroom. He showered and changed his clothes not really paying attention to what he was doing. It was only when he stood in front of the sink, toothbrush in hand, catching a glimpse of his reflection that he finally focused back to reality. His green eyes staring widely as the hickey on his throat. He reached up placing finger tips to the slightly raised patch of skin, remembering how it had felt when Cas had put the mark there.

He felt an ache in his chest then, different from the emptiness he had been feeling for weeks. This felt almost worse, more raw and persistent. He gulped loudly, pulling his eyes from his reflection. After quickly flitting around the room to collect his belongings he grabbed his keys from the table and prepared to start the long walk into town to collect his baby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean had felt thoroughly defeated as he had walked into town, completely lost in thought the entire trip. When the Impala came into view he smiled slightly, unlocking the door and climbing in. He sat behind the wheel, making no move to start the engine instead looking over at the bar he and Cas had been in the night before. 

The ache in his chest came back full force releasing a groan from Deans throat. He opened the glove compartment, fumbling around until he found his current phone, flipping it open and scrolling for Sam's number.

It rang three times before his brother answered.

"Dean? Hey!" 

Dean could not help but smile at Sam's tired voice.

"Bobby got you working hard?"

"Heh, you know it" Sam said through a yawn. "We think we have a case actually"

"Really?" Dean's eyebrows quirked up in interest.

"Yeah pretty sure it's ghouls gonna be heading out later"

"Well count me in" 

"What? I thought you were y'know.. resting"

"I'm done resting"

On the other end of the line Sam frowned, he could tell something was up.

"What's wrong? Where's Cas?"

"Cas isn't here" Dean felt the lump forming in his throat as he spoke the words.

Sam didn't say anything for a moment, then he said;

"Has something happened?"

In that instant Dean wanted to tell Sam everything but he held it in. It would be too hard to explain the events of the last few days and he was pretty sure Sam didn't want to know anyway.

"No" he finally answered. "I will be there in a couple of hours just wait for me"

He hung up before Sam had a chance to reply, throwing the phone back into the glove compartment. He took one last look at the bar before starting the engine. The tires screeched into life as Dean left the town behind without looking back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam had heard the Impala coming, knowing the engines sound by heart and had made his way out to meet him. He smiled when he saw Dean behind the wheel, happy to have his brother back.

The smile faded when Dean got out of the car and Sam saw a thundery look in Dean's eyes. 

"Hey" he offered as Dean reached into the car to grab his duffel.

"Hey" grumbled Dean.

Sam opened his mouth to ask what the matter was. Where was Cas? Why did Dean seem less depressed but more pissed off? But he didn't have a chance, Dean walked right past him into Bobby's without another word.

The drive had been long and it had done nothing to lift Dean's mood. As he had been driving towards Bobby's, choosing not to put on any music, he had gradually become more and more angry. At first he was mad at himself, if he had not hesitated this entire shitty situation would not have happened but as the miles ticked by his anger had started to direct itself at Cas.

How could he do that? Kiss Dean with feverish passion one minute then forcibly put him to sleep the next? How could he whisper such a mind blowing statement as 'I love you' then disappear? 

He was so pent up with anger that when he pushed Bobby's front door open he had done it with so much force he had knocked over the tower of books by the front door.

"Well hello to you too!" Came Bobby's annoyed voice from his desk.

Dean just grunted, too annoyed to form words, which was probably for the best as he usually said harsh and unneeded things when he was this way. He walked straight through the house to the kitchen hoping to find a cold beer in the fridge. A very small voice in his head told him he probably should give drinking a break but as always he ignored it.

Sam walked into the house a couple of seconds later, pushing the door closed and sharing a concerned look with Bobby. Bobby raised an eyebrow in question but all Sam could do was shrug, still in the dark about what had happened to his brother.

They chose not to ask, feeling it would be best to let Dean calm down some while they filled him in on the case. 

After a while Dean had begun to ease into a more neutral state. Eagerly listening to the evidence Sam and Bobby had gathered about their suspected ghouls.

There had been several cases of grave robbery in a town just outside of Ohio and in recent weeks two people had gone missing from their homes, one of the victims was found in the local graveyard by the groundskeeper who was taking a late night check of the property, the remains half eaten.

"So ground's keeper Willy interrupted their meal?" Asked Dean, who had been listening to Bobby's explanation.

"We suspect so" Bobby nodded, folding his arms over his chest. "The ghoul doing this is obviously inexperienced with feeding on the living but it's decided to switch up its diet anyway"

"On top of that, the groundskeeper was found two days later dead in his apartment" Sam said, Dean turning in his chair to look at him where he stood behind him.

"Let me guess. Half eaten?"

"Nope" Sam shook his head. "Choked on his own tongue, it had swelled to four times its size in his mouth"

Dean grimaced.

"So me and Sam had a look around his house and found this" explained Bobby, reaching into the desk draw and dropping a small pouch onto the table.

Dean leant forward to look at it, a frown creasing his face.

"Is that?"

"A hex bag" Sam answered his question before Bobby could, causing the older man to give the younger Winchester an impatient look.

"So ghouls and witches?" Dean said, sounding a little surprised.

"Looks like" replied Bobby.

"Which means we gotta stop them and fast" Sam interjected, pushing away from the door frame he had been leaning on. 

"Sounds good" said Dean.

Sam raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three of them made their way out to their cars. Bobby told them he would follow behind in his truck, warning them not to stop too many times as he climbed into the vehicle. Dean just rolled his eyes and waved his hand as he walked over to his baby. 

Bobby leant out the truck window grabbing Sam's shoulder before he could follow his brother.

"Find out what's wrong with him" Bobby said. "We can't have him going into a hunt all worked up like that"

Sam nodded, not entirely sure it was a good idea but knowing Bobby was right. Something was on Dean's mind and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

He climbed into the passenger seat and Dean started the engine. They drove for a few minutes before Sam looked over at his brother, his eyes catching on the hickey on his throat.

"So you managed to find a girl on your break?" He asked, trying to ease into conversation.

Dean glanced over at his brother a little confused until he realized that Sam was looking at his throat. He shifted slightly in his seat, wishing he had worn something to hide the mark. 

"Er not exactly" Dean said slowly, trying to think of a way out of this conversation.

"What do you mean?" 

Dean didn't reply, glaring at the road in front of him. Irritation sparked in Sam and he twisted in his seat to properly look at Dean. 

"Okay. Enough. What the hell is going on?" He snapped.

Dean fidgeted in his seat then groaned. Sam was not going to drop the subject. He didn't know if it was because he had opened up to Cas but he really wanted to tell Sam about what had happened. Maybe his brother could help make sense of things.

"Back at the motel I felt real shitty" Dean laughed without humor. "I had been for the last week or so. I wasn't lying when I said I needed some rest but I was also.. I don't know.. struggling"

Sam's frown softened.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He asked.

"C'mon Sammy! You have your own stuff going on, you don't need mine aswel. I thought a few days in my own would do me some good. Y'know go the bar meet a girl of two"

Sam rolled his eyes.

"But it didn't exactly go according to plan"

"What happened?" Sam pushed.

"Well Cas happened. He came back after you left. So we went to the local town. Caught a drink at the bar and we spoke" 

Sam continued looking at him, waiting for the rest of the story. Dean was silent for a minute, his eyes almost clouded as he remembered the conversation he'd had with Cas in the bar, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

"It felt good y'know.. talking about stuff and I felt better after like a weight had been lifted. Cas is a good listener"

Sam smiled this time, he didn't miss the fondness in his brother's voice as he spoke of Castiel. The angel  _ was _ a good listener and after going through so much together Sam had begun to refer to him as a friend.

"We had a few drinks. We played pool"

"Wait Cas can play pool?!"

"Well no" Dean chuckled. "He had no idea. I taught him though"

Sam could not help but laugh at the thought of Castiel trying to play the game. He glanced out the window at the scenery rushing by then looked back over at Dean.

"So what has got you so pissed off?" 

"Well.." 

Dean seemed to grow uncomfortable as he glanced sideways at Sam.

"We drank a lot.. I mean, even Cas was drunk. We went back to the hotel and things happened.."

"Things?" Sam said with a deep frown.

Dean cleared his throat, scratching at his chin awkwardly while he waited for it to sink in. It only took a moment when Sam saw Deans ears had turned red, looking from his ears to the hickey.

"Oh!" Sam said surprised, looking just as embarrassed as Dean. "You guys.. slept together?"

"Dude no!" Snapped Dean, almost swerving the car in his surprise at Sam's question. "We just y'know" his cheeks were getting hotter by the second. "Kissed"

It was silent for a few more minutes before Sam said; 

"Finally"

Dean's head snapped round to face Sam.

"What?!" 

"I can't believe you are surprised. It's not really a secret that Cas has feelings for you and to be honest the way you look at him I thought you felt the same"

Dean looked back at the road, he swallowed dryly, his grip on the wheel growing tight.

"Am i the only one who didn't know how I felt?" He mumbled.

Sam felt sorry for Dean in that moment. He knew how Dean liked to be seen, a macho guy who gets all the girls. He understood that it must have been a lot for Dean to finally accept these feelings. He blinked, a question burning to be asked.

"So you guys finally.. y'know.. so where is Cas?"

"He's gone.. I don't know where.. Sammy I think I fucked up?"

"What already?" 

"Shut up.."

Sam cleared his throat, now was not the time to tease his brother.

"I hesitated. Things were getting.. heated and i fucking hesitated and he went all.. weird"

"Cas is always weird" commented Sam.

"I know that! But this was different, he went all business like, told me he was sorry. That he had gone too far like i'm some kind of high school girl he took advantage of or something. Then he put me to sleep. When i woke up he was gone"

"Woah.. did you try and call him?"

"Obviously" Dean shot back.

He was starting to get aggravated again. Sam sighed.

"Listen. Cas isn't like us. He isn't concerned with gender or sexuality. He is an angel. He won't understand your worries unless you tell him. He probably just thought you didn't want to" Sam tried to explain.

"How am i supposed to tell him if he won't even turn up?!" 

Dean sounded so hurt in that moment, looking to Sam for an answer he desperately needed. But Sam didn't have that answer. The rest of the drive was silent, Bobby following behind as they made their way towards the case.


	6. Trying to forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean wants to just forget what happened..
> 
> Enjoy :)

By the time Dean had woken in his motel room, thrashing back to the waking world Castiel was already thousands of miles away.

When he had touched his fingers to Dean's forehead and the words he swore he would never say fell from his own treacherous lips the panic he had felt had been blinding. The second he saw Dean's head hit the mattress he had gone. Flying faster than he had in a long time as if trying to out run the pure, violently vivid human emotions that were wracking his vessel.

He had not stopped until he felt snow on his face, it caused him to shudder, the perfect white flake burning his heated face. He looked around himself and almost shook when he realized he had actually ran to Russia.

"CAS!"

Castiel flinched when he heard Deans call in his mind. His hidden feathers bristling at the angry tone of the hunter's voice.

"CAS YOU GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

He almost went. So used to always going when Dean called without a second thought, but he stayed rooted where he stood.

He was ashamed of his actions, ashamed of his behavior. Dean had been intoxicated and Castiel had taken advantage. There was no other way to say it. Dean had looked so frightened in that moment, his beautiful green eyes looking straight into Cas'. He had forgotten about Dean's doubts and worries and had just taken what he had wanted, what he needed. 

He needed Dean and he had just ruined everything.

"DON'T YOU IGNORE ME! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! YOU CAN'T JUST.. you cant just do that.."

Castiel wrapped his wings around himself, dropping into a squat in the snow as he let out a strangled sob. 

He would never be able to face Dean again. Not only because of what he had done but because of what he had said. He didn't think he could ever look the hunter in the eye again if he had actually heard those words.. words that he would never return back and to make it worse he had ran away like a coward.

Castiel stayed curled over as the snowstorm became heavier, the snow building up around the angel. Castiel did not notice as he shook violently, not from the cold but from the painful feeling that was burning in his chest. He gulped for unneeded air as a tear fell from his blue eyes. What had he done?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dean? Dean!?"

Dean jumped awake to his brother's voice, quickly looking around the inside of the Impala but finding himself alone. He turned his head to find Sam leaning down to look at him through the drivers side window.

"You coming?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as Dean rubbed at his face.

It had been a long drive and to keep Bobby happy they had not stopped until they had arrived at the desired destination. It was getting into evening and Sam had gone to get coffee to wake them up a little. 

Dean let out a groan, climbing out the car and grabbing the large coffee Sam held out to him with a sleep stained thankyou.

"Bobby has checked us in"

"What?" Mumbled Dean, still fighting to find wakefulness.

Sam gave him a sideways look before nodding toward the hotel across the street. Dean nodded that he understood, taking a long gulp of the too hot nectar.

"Listen man if you need some tim-" Sam began but Dean raised his finger to silence him.

"Shut up. I'm fine, just forget about what I said in the car okay?" 

Sam opened his mouth to protest but Dean shot him a look that told him there was no room for argument so he shut his mouth with a frown and followed his grouchy brother into the hotel.

Once inside they went over their plan again, collecting their weapons and anything else they may need then headed back out in Dean's car.

Bobby had found out about an old house at the back of the graveyard in town, it was abandoned and no one went there anymore except the highschool kids for dares. They all agreed that would be the best place to start.

Dean was nothing but disappointed when the place was empty. No trace of anything Supernatural unless you counted the previous owners choice in wallpaper. 

He had protested when Bobby had said to call it a night but Sam had taken their surrogate fathers side so they had left.

Once back at the hotel Bobby went to his room telling them he would see them the next day. Sam and Dean trudged back to their own room, both feeling deflated from evenings let down.

Once inside the room Sam walked straight to his bed, kicking off his shoes and sitting down on the mattress with a long sigh. Dean absently looked around the room, his eyes falling on the sofa that sat against the far wall, his mind instantly thinking of Cas.

"You okay?" Sam asked from the bed, watching his brother closely.

"M'fine" 

Sam followed his brother's gaze to the sofa then back to Dean's face and just like that, he knew who he was thinking of.

"Why don't you just call him man" 

"What?" 

Dean was glaring at him from his spot near the door, he had made no move to enter the room any further.

"Just.." Sam tried to find the right words. Dean was prickly at the best of times when it came to anything relationship based but with this situation Sam felt he was even more likely to lash out. "Just maybe give it a try. If you just explain to him about how you feel he will understand, its Cas"

Anger sparked in Dean green eyes, his nose flaring as he fully turned towards Sam who subconsciously leant back on the mattress.

"I tried to call!" he spat, raising his hands in annoyance. "And you know what?! Screw him. I'm not the one who put him to sleep. I'm not the one who ran away. I'm not the one who kissed him like a madman then ditched!" 

Dean's voice had risen to the level where Sam was sure Bobby in the next room could hear. Sam did not speak, just watching Dean stand rigid by the door. After a moment silence Dean let out a noise between a sigh and a growl turning back towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked, standing from the bed.

"For a drink" Dean snapped back.

He was out the door before Sam could say anything, slamming it shut with jaring force. Sam let his shoulders drop, staring at the door where the do not disturb sign swung in Deans wake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean did not have to go far to find a bar. It was a bit of a skeevy place but he didn't care. He sat at the bar shooting back another shot of whiskey, enjoying the burn as it slipped down his throat. He caught the bartender's attention signalling that he wanted a refill then let his eyes glance around the room.

It was busy, people spoke and laughed happily, all managing to remind Dean how miserable he was feeling. His eyes found the pool table at the back of the room and he bit onto his lip when yet again Cas swarmed his mind. 

He was so lost in thought he had not noticed that someone had taken a seat beside him.

"Hey there handsome"

He jumped slightly turning in his seat to see who had spoken to him. On the stool next to him sat a very attractive woman, she flashed a perfect white smile at him as his eyes rested on her.

"Well hello" he grinned, curious green eyes giving her the once over.

In Dean's opinion she was stunning, hazel hair ran down past her ears in perfect ringlets, she had dark eyes that caught nicely in the dim light as she stared at his face, returning the favour by checking him out.

"You look a little lost" she said through a smile as the bartender came over to fill Dean's glass.

"I'm not lost sweetheart" Dean grinned. "A drink for the lady too" he said to the bartender.

"What a gentleman" she flashed another smile at him "Vodka on the rocks" she ordered, never taking her eyes off Dean.

"Vodka ey?" He raised his brow at her returning the smile.

"What can I say? I like my drinks strong like my men" 

Dean's smile widened at the obvious flirtation, his eyes moving down to take in her body, the dress she wore not leaving much to the imagination.

"I'm Nina by the way" she grinned.

"Dean"

"Dean" she purred. "I like it"

He chuckled and knocked back his drink, watching as she did the same. She gave him another once over and stood from her seat.

"So Dean, what do you say we blow this joint. I have plenty to drink back at my place"

It only took Dean a moment to decide he would go with her, welcoming the distraction from Castiel. 

"Hell yeah!"

He led her out to the Impala, climbing into the seat. The second the door closed Nina was on him, kissing and biting at his lips leaving Dean a little breathless. When she pulled away his lips were slightly swollen as he stared at her wide eyed.

"C'mon big boy take me home"

He didn't need to be asked twice, the engine roaring to life as they took off.

She whispered the directions into his ear as they drove, keeping physical contact with him the whole way, touching his arm and thigh as he tried to concentrate on the road. 

Within ten minutes the Impala pulled up outside a large detached house. Dean looked out the window then looked back at her raising a brow. She flashed him another white smile and got out of the car, Dean following close behind. 

When they reached the front door she kisses him again and Dean took the opportunity to run his hand down her body, exploring her curves. She laughed, unlocking the door and pushing it open. They stumbled into the house not losing contact. After a few minutes she pulled away, giggling at the groan the hunter released.

"Just give me a few minutes" she said through a smile, heading towards the stairs.

Dean nodded with a smile watching her head up the stairs before turning to look around the house. It was mainly dark as Dean walked into the oversized living room, the only light filtering through the curtains from the street lamps outside. Even in the gloomy darkness he could tell that the furnishings were expensive and high end.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out to look at the screen. 

One new message from Sam.

_ Dean where are you? Drinking isn't going to solve this thing with Cas. Come back and we will call him together. _

Dean felt the pit in his stomach squeeze painfully at the thought of Castiel and for a brief moment he felt guilty for coming back with this woman. He sniffed, locking the phone screen and pocketing it once more. 

He rubbed at his face, trying to banish the empty feeling. Why should he feel guilty? It's not like him and Cas were an item and besides Cas ran off. Why should Dean care? But the guilt did not fade as his mind got caught on blue eyes.

He could hear Nina moving around somewhere upstairs and decided to make himself comfortable. He shook his head to clear his mind and took a deep steadying breath. He kicked off his boots, making his way to the light switch, blinking when the room brightened, his eyes adjusting to the painful light. 

He took another look around the room. There was a large leather sofa in the center and with a grin Dean pulled off his over shirt, letting it drop to the floor messily and headed towards it.

He deserved to forget for a while and this girl was hot. He had no doubt she would banish Cas' face from his mind for a little bit.

He only made it halfway across the room when something caught his eye. He paused as he focused on the red stain that seemed to be coming from behind the sofa, his stomach dropping immediately. On instinct he pulled out his gun, holding it in front of him as he slowly crept towards the stain. 

The closer he got the more his fears were confirmed. He saw a limp hand protruding from behind the sofa, blood crusted on the skin. When he finally made it round the sofa his heart sank. 

Laying in a pool of drying blood, brown eyes wide and empty was Nina. 

"And here I was thinking I could have a little fun with you before you found out" came a femanine voice from behind him.

Dean swung round aiming the gun at 'Ninas' head. 

"You're a ghoul" he spat, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

"Bingo big boy" she said through a wicked smile.

Dean raised the gun higher, ready to release the clip when the floor creaked behind him. He swung round, but it was too late. Something very hard and metal collided with Deans head. The hunter dropped to the floor unconscious, his gun clattering across the carpet.

Nina smiled down at him as she changed into her other form, hazel hair replaced by blonde, brown eyes changed to blue. The young ghoul who had struck Dean, stood over him, crowbar hanging loosely in his grip, looking to her eagerly

"Bon appetit" she smirked.


	7. where is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy :)

"This is Dean's other, other cell… so you must know what to do"

Sam let out a frustrated groan, clicking the end call button before the beep. He had been pacing the hotel room for about an hour, trying Dean's different phones, hoping to get a hold of his brother. He glanced at the old clock on the wall, it was past one A.M.

Usually Sam would just leave Dean be, sometimes it was better to let him blow off steam. But Dean had come to a sudden realisation that maybe the angel that had become their friend ment a hell of a lot more to the older Winchester. 

Sam had been so happy when Dean had confided in him the news, so proud that his brother had finally let go of his hang ups and allowed himself what he wanted but with Cas missing he knew Dean would just spin into a downward spiral. 

He thought about waking Bobby and going insearch of him but he knew that Bobby would tell him to wait until morning. Sam sat down on the bed staring at the blank screen of his phone before placing it down on the bedside table. He cleared his throat.

"Castiel?" 

He knew his brother would kill him if he found out he was calling to the angel but Sam knew Dean was not going to do it himself.

"Cas? Can you hear me?"

He glanced around the room in hopes that he would spot the signature trench coat but there was nothing.

"Cas.. You need to come back. Dean he.. He needs to explain what happened. You need to give him a chance to explain"

He sat motionless, waiting. After about half an hour he decided that Cas was not going to show. With a long sigh he laid himself back on the bed. Already knowing that if Dean was not back by morning he would go searching. As his eyes grew heavy with sleep he silently prayed that his brother had not gotten himself into any trouble.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the ache in Deans shoulders that brought him back to the waking world, followed by the taste of blood on his tongue. He slowly opened his eyes, his pupils aching at the sudden invasion of light.

His hands were clasped together above his head where his arms were chained. He had been hanging there for god knows how long and Dean groaned loudly as he tried to take the weight off his shoulders and onto his feet instead. He whimpered slightly as his toes brushed the floor, barely getting grip on the dirt surface.

He decided he was in some sort of basement, the skyline windows letting in the beginning of morning's light. 

Shit.

It was morning. He had been here all night.. Sam must be going out of his mind. But the thought brought Dean a slither of comfort, Sam would be looking for him, he just needed to stay alive long enough for his brother to find him. 

He pulled at the restraints that held him finding that there was little to no give. He spotted his gun on an old table to his left, along with his wallet and phone, the screen broken.

This was a pretty shitty situation he had gotten himself into and all for what? For a weak chance that he would have forgotten about his angel friend for a few hours? Stupid!

In his frustration he yanked at the chains again only for the jarring pain to race through his shoulder once more. He let his head hang, watching as a drop of blood fell from his temple, soaking into the dirt floor.

He only lifted it when he heard footsteps above and the door to the basement open. He watched as yellow light pooled on the floor at the base of the old stairs and he could see two shadows. The owners of those shadows were talking in hushed tones and Dean strained his ears to try and catch what they were saying. 

"I found an FBI badge in his jacket" came a male voice. The speaker sounded young, early teens Dean decided.

"It's not real idiot! He's a hunter!" Came a feminine reply through gritted teeth.

"what are we going to do?" The boy asked.

Dean tried leaning towards the stairs, trying to catch the answer.

Their voices became too low for him to hear and he watched as the shadow that wasn't the boys disappeared from sight. He straightened as much as the chains would allow as the boy made his way down the stairs. Except he wasn't a boy, Dean knew, he was a ghoul.

"Oh you're finally awake" 

Dean just glared at him, his lips curling into a silent snarl. The boy let out a breathy laugh shaking his head and walking to the table that held Dean's gun and wallet.

"Mumma says you're a hunter?" He paused but Dean did not speak, continuing to watch him, the boy shrugged. "That doesn't matter to us. We are gonna eat you anyway.

He laughed sadistically causing Dean to grit his teeth further. He refused to speak, refused to give this little shit the reaction he wanted.

"The thing is" his grin widened as he ran his fingers over Dean's wallet. "I like my meat tenderised" 

His fingers slipped past the wallet, his hand closing around the crowbar that had knocked Dean out previously. Dean could not help but swallow at the sight of it, he knew what was coming next. 

"You wanna say anything?" The boy asked, but Dean just clenched his jaw, eyes defiant.

The boy shrugged. As he raised the bar above his head and brought it down onto Dean's ribs, he laughed and Dean screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Bobby entered Sam's hotel room the younger Winchester was manic. He was flitting around the room collecting his jacket and pulling on his shoes, all the while speaking so quickly that Bobby was having trouble catching all the words.

"Sam! Slow down" Bobby said, moving to catch Sam's shoulder. "Where's Dean?"

"He went out last night" Sam's voice was thick with worry. "He never came back"

"So? He is probably passed out at some bar in town" Bobby shrugged.

Sam bit the inside of his cheek. Bobby was right, this was not unlike his brother, but Bobby did not know about the situation with Castiel and that Dean was probably not thinking straight.

"I have a bad feeling Bobby.." Sam tried to explain.

Bobby creased his brow, opening his mouth to answer but was interrupted by his phone ringing. He held a finger up to Sam before answering.

"Agent Willis" he answered, turning his back slightly to Sam. "Another body? Yeah we will be right there"

He turned back to Sam who swallowed thickly as Bobby pocketed his phone. They didn't say anything else as they both headed for the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam and Bobby arrived at the large detached house that Dean had found himself in the previous night. As they made their way up the driveway the local sheriff walked down the porch steps to meet them.

"Agent Willis. Agent Paige" he greeted, looking rather flustered.

"Sheriff" Bobby nodded,looking past him to the house. "What have yah got?"

"Bloodbath in there" mumbled the sheriff, shaking his head and placing his hands on his hips. "Miss Brown was a nursery teacher, lovely woman.. she didn't deserve this"

"Same as the other cases?" Sam questioned.

"Yeah.. half eaten.. I just don't know how an animal even got in there. No broken windows, doors were shut. Makes no sense to me"

Bobby and Sam shared a look, before Sam stepped past the sheriff. 

"Mind if I take a look?" He said, his hazel eyes lingering on the front door.

"Knock yourself out, maybe you can make more sense of it than I can" the sheriff nodded with a tired voice.

Sam nodded back, not really listening as he made his way up the steps and into the house. Bobby stayed with the sheriff still wanting to ask more questions.

Sam ducked under the police tape, looking around the large living room. His eyes paused on a photo of the victim with her nursery class, Sam pulled his eyes away where they landed on the blood stained carpet. 

Most of Miss Brown's abdomen was missing, the fabric of her t-shirt torn open in tatters. He took a deep breath through his nose as he squatted to get a closer look. 

"Looks like she was killed early last night" a dark haired man from the local police department said. "If the blood thickening is anything to go by"

Sam nodded, looking up to catch the man's eye.

"Anything out of place when you got here?" He asked.

The man shrugged before his expression changed as if remembering something.

"Actually there was something" he said, stepping around Sam and the body, making his way over to one of the cupboards against the wall. 

He picked up a clear evidence bag and when Sam's eyes rested on the contents he felt his stomach drop. Dean's boots and shirt were stuffed inside. Sam got uo and grabbed the bag a little too roughly from the officer, his Adam's apple bobbing.

"Where did you find these!?" He demanded, causing the officer to flinch.

The officer did not get a chance to answer as Bobby came barging into the room. Sam felt his heart dropping further when he saw the worried look in Bobby's eyes.

"They found Dean's car" he said before Sam could ask, turning and leaving the building.

Sam's jaw clenched as he hurried after Bobby, neither of them saying a word as they got into his truck and sped towards where the Impala had been found.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas had stayed where he was for longer than he knew. He had lost track of time, it could have been minutes, hours or even days, the angel did not know. 

He had been trying to decide what to do next. Where was he going to go? He could not return to heaven? No.. that was no longer his home, he was no longer welcome. 

He could travel he supposed.. help people and try and find a place where he belonged. This thought caused his head to shake involuntarily. He knew he had already found that place and the people he belonged with, the people who had changed him so completely. He belonged with the Winchesters. He belonged with Dean. 

He looked up into the clear blue sky. The snow storm had ended, he didn't know when that had happened but the strong winds had swept the clouds away making the day clear. As the clouds had faded so had some of Castiel's doubts. As he stared up into the blue sky with matching eyes he knew what he had to do.

He knew he must return to Dean. Apologise for his actions, asure the hunter that their relationship needn't be anything more than platonic if that was what Dean wanted, no matter how much it would hurt Cas. He would be willing to deal with the pain if it meant he could stay by Dean's side.

He would always have their kiss, shared in a dim motel room off of some unimportant highway. He would never forget it. He would always remember the feel of him, the taste.. he would always have that.

"Cas"

It was Sam's voice. Praying to him from miles away. Castiel had heard him call before, heard him begging to return and make things right with his brother. Cas had not gone, so sure that he and Dean were past the point of talking things out.

This time though Sam's voice sounded desperate and Cas zeroed in on his prayer.

"Cas. It's Dean. He is in trouble"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The look of concern on Bobby's face had become a stuck feature. They had made it to the car which was fine except for the blood crusting on the back seats.

Sam had waited for Bobby to go back to the truck for his phone, the older man hoping that there would be some traffic footage of who had dumped the car, leaving Sam alone with the Impala. When he was sure Bobby was out of ear shot he had prayed. Hoping that Cas would hear.

"He is in trouble Cas.. please"

He looked around to find Cas nowhere in sight. He let out an exasperated sigh, looking back to the blood stained seat.

He did not hear the ruffle of feathers as Castiel appeared behind him, too lost in his thoughts. So he jumped when he caught sight of the angel's reflection in the glass of the Impala window, spinning round on his heels to face Castiel.

His hazel eyes widening in surprise and relief in Castiel's presence. Cas' eyes were as wide as Sam's as he glanced passed the younger Winchester's shoulder, catching a glimpse of the blood stained seat.

A flash of anger passed through his blue eyes before they settled on Sam's face once again, his shoulder straightening and jaw clenching.

"Where is he?"

  
  



	8. Saving Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some violence in this chapter, just a warning
> 
> Enjoy :)

Thwump. Thwump. Thwump.

The pain was unreal but the noise.. the noise was unbearable. Dean was sure that this little prick had broken every rib in his chest. As each hit came that noise sounded in Deans ears, every now and again accompanied with a crack of bone.

The young ghoul had been doing it for hours, revelling in the screams that had ripped through Dean's throat. The hunter had tried not to at first, not wanting to give him the satisfaction but as time went on he had become unable to control himself.

The ghoul only lowered the crowbar when Dean's head hung loosely between his shoulders. He stepped closer using the side of the bar to lift his bloodied face into view, the second he moved the bar away again the hunters head fell back down, rolling freely on his neck, he was unconscious.

The ghoul let out a tut through his teeth, jabbing at Dean's ribs a little more, enjoying the wet sounds they made beneath the bar.

"I thought you'd last longer.." he said in a disappointed tone before chucking the bar into the corner.

He dug around in his pockets, pulling out a set of keys as he stepped closer to Dean. He reached up, unlocking the chains that held the hunter, letting his battered body fall to the floor with no help. He kicked at Dean's side, forcing his limp body onto his back so that he could see his face.

"Best go tell mumma you're ready" he mumbled, stepping over Dean and making his way to the stairs.

Only when the creaking of the stairs stopped and the clicking of the door closing sounded did Dean finally open his eyes. He did not move for several long minutes, fighting the pain and the nausea.

His shoulders protested when he began to pull his arms back into a natural position. He cringed when he heard a distinct pop of his shoulder locking painfully back into place. 

'C'mon Dean' he chastised inwardly, 'get up. Get up before they come back'

He shifted himself into a sitting position, clenching his teeth to stop the yelp of pain from escaping. His hands were still cuffed together, his wrists raw. 

It took him a long time to get to his feet, his entire body protesting every movement. He stumbled to the table, grabbing his phone. He tried turning it on, only to find the damage went further than the cracked screen, it was completely dead. He let it fall to the floor as he grabbed for his gun instead, shaky hands pulling the clip loose. It was empty.. the ghouls were smart enough to do that.

"Fuck" he groaned, slipping back to his knees as his vision blurred again. "I'm fucking stupid"

He let his head hang between his shoulders as he tried to catch his breath. 

He kept thinking if he had just stayed at the hotel with sam.. if he had told Cas how he had felt.. if he had not hesitated.. none of this would be happening to him. 

He opened his eyes and they settled on the crowbar the ghoul had thrown to the floor before leaving. He crawled towards it, wrapping his still bound hand around the cold metal and pulling it to his chest as he stood with a groan.

When that little bastard came back, Dean would be ready. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where is he?"

Sam swallowed under Castiel's intense gaze. The angel was almost vibrating with what Sam could only describe as rage but when Cas had seen the blood stained back seat there had been sadness in his eyes or was in guilt? Sam didn't know, what he did know was that Cas was here and they were going to find Dean.

"I don't know. He went out last night and didn't come back.." he began to explain as Cas stepped passed him opening the car door and leaning in.

Sam watched him as he practically crawled onto the seat, sniffing the air of the car before looking over his shoulder at the Winchester.

"He was taken by something not human" he said as he climbed back out of the car. "I can smell them"

"Can you track them?" Sam asked excitedly.

Bobby came back over raising a brow when he saw Cas.

"Cas? When did you get here?" He looked at Sam as he spoke.

"Sam prayed to me.." Cas explained, not really looking at either of the hunter's. "Seeing as you both lost Dean"

Annoyance flashed on Bobby's face, he opened his mouth to correct the angel when Sam silenced him with a raised hand, Bobby's frown deepened.

"Can you track them?" Sam repeated, ignoring the look on Bobby's face.

Cas tilted his head, his eyes distant as if searching. Sam tried to reign in his patience as they waited. 

"No" Castiel finally said, causing Sam's shoulders to drop. "They are using some kind of cloaking magic"

"Balls" spat Bobby, kicking at the tarmac.

The little hope Sam had found in Castiel's presence was fading fast.

"But there is a spell to counteract that" Cas continued, looking to each of the hunters faces. "I will find your brother Sam" 

Sam felt a smile tug at his lips as he saw the conviction in Castiel's eyes. Sam pulled himself together and opened the drivers door to the Impala.

"We better get some ingredients then" he said, slipping into the front seat. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The boy, who was a ghoul, whose name was Josh, made his way back down the basement stairs. His mother had just been on the phone, informing him that she had gotten rid of the car and cast a spell to cover them. She was annoyed to find out that he had yet to kill the hunter, he had apologized but he wasn't really sorry, he had enjoyed the fun he'd had while it had lasted. 

He was glad yet again of his mother's talents with witchcraft, you don't get many ghouls who practice magic and he was pretty sure it was the only thing that had kept them alive for this long. There were always hunters.. always trying to kill them off just for being different. 

He paused a couple of steps down, calming the rage that had started to bubble in his chest. His mother would be home soon and she expected the hunter dealt with and butchered by the time she got back. He did not want to disappoint her again.. She was already running around trying to clean up the mess he had made in town. 

He started down the steps again, half lost in his thoughts. He paused, however, when he saw that the hunter no longer lay where he had left him. He hurried over to the spot where he had been, his heart beginning to pick up pace. His eyes widened as he spun on his heels but it was too late.

The crowbar hit his temple with a crack, sending his spralling. Dean cried out in pain and anger as he hit again and again, not allowing the ghoul a chance to get up or say anything. He only stopped when the contents of the ghouls skull was seeping into the dirt floor, his body limp.

He dropped to his knees behind the body, breath coming in harsh pulls through gritted teeth as he searched the ghouls jeans for the keys to the cuffs. He found them, unlocking the cuffs, hissing as he rubbed his raw wrists. 

He forced himself back to his feet, shuffling over to the table and grabbing his wallet and gun, shoving them into his jean pockets. His eyes rested on the stairs, he knew every step was going to hurt but there was only one way out.

It took him several minutes to make it up to the door, his ribs protesting painfully on each wooden step. He pushed the door open, stepping into a dimly lit corridor. He had no idea where he was, all he knew was that he needed to get out, now.

It did not take him all that long to find the front door and he allowed himself a moment of triumph as he limped towards it. He was mere inches from the handle when he felt his feet leave the ground and he was flying backwards, when his back hit the far wall he saw stars.

"You killed my boy!" He heard the feminine snarl.

The remaining ghoul stepped into view, rage evident in her features. 

"He was asking for it!" Growled Dean.

She raised her hand sharply and Dean felt the pressure holding him to the wall increase. 

'Shit. This bitch is going to kill me' Dean thought as the taste of blood flooded his tongue again. 'Sam I'm sorry I was so stupid..' he felt tears pooling in his eyes as the pain only increased. 'Cas.. oh god Cas..'

She twisted her hands and it was as if his insides were boiling. He cried out, the name that fell from his lips was Castiel's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two hunters and the angel stood around the makeshift altar that Cas and Sam had made in Bobby's hotel room. Sam and Bobby watched Castiel closely as he added the ingredient. He paused after dumping some brown powder into the bowl that Sam could not name, his blue eyes looking to the two humans in front of him.

"I need human blood" he grumbled.

Without hesitating Bobby held out his hand but Cas shook his head. 

"Sam's is better, they are blood related. It will make the spell stronger" 

Bobby frowned, lowering his hand and watched as Sam held out his own hand without hesitation along with his knife.

Cas took the blade, slicing Sam's palm, whispering an apology when Sam hissed. They all watched as the blood trickled into the bowl, listening as Cas started speaking in a language they were unfamiliar with.

The bowl began to crackle sending, blueish smoke into the air, the humans coughed, trying to fan it out of their faces. When the smoke cleared and Sam could see clearly again he looked expectantly to Cas.

"Well?" He asked, trying and failing to keep the impatience from his voice.

Cas frowned down at the bowl, his lips becoming a tight white line.

"It hasn't worked.." he almost mumbled.

"What?!" Sam and Bobby said at once, sharing a panicked look. 

Cas did not answer instead he gave them a long look before turning and storming out the hotel room. Sam only paused for a moment before he gave chase, ignoring the concerned calls from Bobby.

He managed to catch up to Cas outside the hotel, running to fall into stride beside him.

"Hey Cas! Wait!" 

Cas stopped abruptly causing Sam to skid to a halt.

"I have to find him, Sam" Castiel stated, his usual frown present in full force.

"I know! And we will. Together" Sam tried to sooth the angel but he knew he was also trying to sooth himself.

"Sam you don't understand.. this is my fault.. I was supposed to be looking after him" 

The tone of the angel's voice caused a lump in his throat, Cas was hurting. 

"I should never have left him.. I should never of.. " 

He stopped speaking, shaking his head. Sam realised Cas was talking about what Dean had confided in him and his face softened as he reached out and placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"It's okay Cas. What happened wasn't your fault. What happened with you and Dean.. Cas.. whatever this is between the two of you its all new to him" 

Sam watched as Castiel's Adams apple bobbed, his eyes seeming sad.

"I.. you asked me to look after him and I took advantage.." the angel said, barely above a whisper.

"Dude! Dean isn't a kid. You didn't take advantage. I'm pretty sure if he had not wanted it to happen it wouldn't have" Sam reassured squeezing Castiel's shoulder. "He hesitated because he was scared.."

"Of me.." 

Sam paused. He had never seen Castiel look so vulnerable before, his eyes were shining as if holding back tears. 

"No Cas. He wasn't scared of you.. I can't speak for him but maybe he was worried that if you two crossed that line it would ruin your friendship. You're the best friend Dean has ever had man and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to lose that"

Castiel watched him as he lowered his arm, bringing it round to card his hand through his long hair. Cas reached out and took Sam's hand in his own, his chapped bottom lip wobbling.

"Thankyou Sam. Your words mean alot to me. I am sorry I have caused all of this.. I would never want harm to come to your brother"

Sam gave Cas' hand a squeeze, a warm smile on his lips.

"I know you wouldn't. Don't worry we will-"

He was cut off by Castiel's hand covering his mouth. He jumped back, pushing the hand from his face about to protest when Cas spoke.

"It's Dean! I can hear him!"

"What?!" Sam almost yelped.

The angel looked him dead in the eye and Sam's breath caught sharply in his throat.

"I know where he is"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The witch ghoul.. ghoul witch? Gitch? Paced the room, keeping Dean pressed against the wall the entire time. Dean didn't know why she hadn't killed him yet and even though he was in a life or death situation he couldn't help himself, he had to ask.

"W-what are you waiting for?!" He snarled.

She looked at him, fire in her eyes as she stepped up close to him. He tried to pull away but the wall would not allow it. She reached up, roughly grabbing at his chin, her nails digging into the skin.

"I'm waiting for your friends to turn up. I'm going to kill them in front of you. I want you to feel how I did when I found my boy" her grip tightened as she spoke. "Then I'm going to finish you real slow"

Dean thought about Sam and Bobby. He was pretty sure if they got the jump on this bitch they would take her, but she knew they were coming and Dean was beginning to learn that she would have been clever enough to prepare for their arrival. 

She smiled wickedly up at him, seeing the worry start to form in his eyes.

"That's it. Get scared. I want to taste the fear in your flesh" 

She lent forward and sniffed at his blood stained shirt, causing Dean to cringe. His mind was racing. He couldn't let Sam and Bobby walk into any of the monster's traps, he couldn't let them get hurt. Not because of him and his stupidity.

She opened her mouth to speak again, but instead of words there was an explosion of light. Dean could not pull his eyes away as her mouth and eyes filled with blinding white before it died away, her eyes were gone, smoke rose from the sockets. She dropped to the floor in front of him and when Dean saw who stood behind her he almost sobbed.

Castiel stood staring down at the lifeless form. He looked up at Dean, blue eyes meeting green and this time Dean did sob.

"C-cas"

Seeing as the bitch was dead the spell died too, causing Dean to fall forward from the wall. He had no strength to right himself and he fully expected to hit the hard floor. 

But instead Castiel's arms caught him, wrapping around him tightly but gently, holding him to his chest.

"Oh Dean.. I am so.. so sorry" he soothed as Dean clung to his trenchcoat, strangled sobs leaving his mouth.

He shifted the hunter, sliding one arm under his legs, picking him up bridal style. Dean released a breath, it was okay. Cas was here.. Cas had him.. then he thought of Sam and his eyes widened in fear again as he looked up at the angel.

"Shhhh" Cas soothed, holding him securely as he began to walk to the door. "I sensed the wardings as we approached. Sam and Bobby are safe. They are waiting for us in the car"

Dean didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. The relief was overwhelming. So he let his head rest on Castiel's shoulder as the angel carried him to safely. 


	9. Those three words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> earning the explicit rating this chapter 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Sam had not wanted to wait outside, he had been adamant, arguing with the angel until Bobby had stepped in to cool them both off.

"There are traps Sam!" Castiel stated, his voice rough.

Then he was gone, giving Sam no chance to argue his case. He let out a gruff noise, pulling his gun from his pants and taking a step towards the house but Bobby had stopped him.

So here they both stood. Like children being told to wait by the car while Castiel went and saved his brother. Sam would be lying if he said he didn't feel useless.

"Would make the job a hell of a lot easier if we had him along for the ride more often" Bobby commented, breaking the silence as he leant against the Impala. 

"Yeah.." mumbled Sam, not taking his eyes from the house once.

"Sam?"

Sam turned to look at Bobby reluctantly.

"Has something happened? I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle here" 

Sam wasn't sure how to answer that. It was not his place. He shook his head, fully turning to face the older hunter, leaning on the opposite side of the impala.

"I.. yes. Something happened. It's not my place to say Bobby" Sam was having difficulty looking Bobby in the eye as he spoke. "But i think if Cas can just get Dean back to us.. it's fixable"

"Hasn't got anything to do with your brother and that angel has it?" Bobby asked with a knowing look. 

Sam was taken back when he did not see any judgment in Bobby's eyes, only worry and quiet understanding and it warmed Sam. Bobby would never judge them and he loved him so much for it.

Sam opened his mouth to answer but stopped when there was a flurry of wings and Cas appeared behind them. 

Sam and Bobby's faces paled instantly when they saw the state of Dean. He looked well and truly battered, cradled in the angels arms he looked so small. His eyes were closed, his breathing coming in rapid pulls.

"Jesus.." Bobby hissed, hurrying around the car to stand beside Cas. "He is in real bad shape! Why haven't you healed him?!"

"Not here" Cas said, looking over his shoulder to the house. "The warding's are affecting my grace. We need to get away from this place"

He gave them both a look that left no room for argument. Stepping around the hunters he opened the back door to the Impala, gently laying Dean down on the back seat and climbing in after. He shifted Dean with slow movements so that his head rested on the angel's lap.

Bobby and Sam shared one last look before they followed. Sam started the engine and they took off away from the house. As Sam drove he kept an eye on what was happening in the back seat, watching as Castiel set to work on fixing his brother.

His hand moved with fluid purposeful motions and one by one Dean's wounds began to fade. They were five minutes away from the hotel when Dean's eyes finally opened.

Castiel's breath caught when the green orbs met his, a smile stretching his lips. Dean lay there for a moment, head still resting in Castiel's lap staring up at those blue eyes before sitting quickly up. 

"Welcome back to the world of the living" smiled Bobby, twisting round to look at him.

"Thanks.." Dean mumbled looking rather guilty.

Sam could not stop the large smile from forming on his face

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once back at the hotel Sam helped Dean into the building. He was mainly healed now but his legs still felt wobbly from the night before. Bobby had gone to his truck telling the two men and angel that he wanted to head back down to the station, before he left he placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, his face serious.

"Don't ever do that again!" He ordered, staring Dean in the eyes.

"I'm sorry Bobby.. trust me I'm not planning on it" Dean replied, his cheeks colouring with slight embarrassment. 

Bobby's face softened and he gave Dean's shoulder a squeeze.

"I'm just real glad we got you back son" 

Dean nodded a small noise escaping from his throat, Bobby smiled before heading back outside. 

"Alright.. c'mon" Sam said softly, after Bobby was out of sight, placing his hand on Dean's back and leading him towards the room. "I think you need to sleep"

Cas hesitated as Sam led Dean away, watching the back of Dean's head as he walked. Part of him wanted to run, not understanding the mass of emotions that had been racking him since he saw Dean pinned against the wall battered and torn. 

But a bigger part of him wanted to stay and before he realized it his feet were carrying him after the brothers. He stepped into the hotel room just as Sam was helping Dean onto one of the large beds. Dean let out a groan and he practically melted into the mattress a soft smile on his lips. He looked up at his brother before his eyes landed on Cas who was still hovering by the door.

Sam followed Dean's eyeline, shifting awkwardly on his feet as the stare between the human and angel stretched on. He cleared his throat bringing Dean's eyes back to him.

"I uh.. I'm gonna try and catch Bobby. He will er need help clearing that house" 

Dean nodded and Sam made his way to the door sparing Cas a reassuring smile as he passed. Cas and Dean watched as Sam disappeared out the door and carried on watching as the door slowly swung shut, the click of the latch seeming far too loud. 

Then they were alone. 

Castiel made no move to enter the room further, looking down at his feet as if he were rooted to the spot. Dean watched him for a few moments before pushing himself up so he was propped on his elbows.

"I'm surprised you're still here" said Dean and Castiel did not miss the bitterness in his tone.

"Dean.." it was almost a beg as Cas took a step further into the room.

"What? You've done what you came for" Dean spat, sitting himself all the way up. "You saved me. You don't have to feel guilty anymore"

Cas didn't know where to look. Dean was right he had felt guilty, guilty for pushing him too far, guilty for running away.. but when Sam had called him and he had found out Dean had been taken he had not felt guilty he had felt terrified. Terrified that he would never see Dean again, never be able to make it right with him.

"So you're not gonna say anything?" Dean pushed, agitation becoming more and more evident in his tone.

Cas continued to look down at his feet and the more Dean watched him do so the more annoyed he became. He stood from the bed swaying slightly on his wobbly legs. Cas saw him stagger and in a blink he was across the room, holding onto Dean's shoulder to steady him. Instinct had taken him to Dean the second he saw him struggling, the movement of his wings sending a few loose papers from Sam's table flying.

Whatever Dean had planned to say became stuck in his throat at the close proximity of the angel. Castiel's hand still lay on his shoulder, the angel looking him directly in the eye. Dean watched as Cas' tongue darted out, wetting his chapped lips.

"Cas.."

"Dean" Castiel spoke, silencing the hunter. "I want to apologize. I should not have left you.."

Dean roughly pulled his arm out of Castiel's grip.

"Damn straight you shouldn't have left me! You shouldn't have knocked me out like that either!" He snapped.

"Dean.."

"No Cas! Just no.. I trusted you. I told you things that.. I haven't told anyone those things before"

Cas bit onto his bottom lip, not taking his eyes off of the hunter.

"And you said.." he paused, looking away from the intense blue stare. "You said I didn't need a stranger" Dean hated how pathetic he sounded but he pushed it down, wanting the angel to feel how he felt, needing Cas to know.

Cas swallowed at this statement. He had said that to Dean.. then he had run off and Dean had been forced to seek out a stranger's affection which had in turn led to him almost being killed.

Cas hesitantly reached out his hand, Dean flinched away but Cas carried on his course, cupping the hunters face.

"Dean.." he whispered, his breath ghosting Dean's face. "I was afraid. You create feelings in me I have never experienced before. Feelings I have been trying to conceal and control since i first laid eyes on your soul in the deepest pit of hell."

He was even closer now, his body almost pressed against the hunters, his eyes searching and pleading. 

"I know now that I was wrong to run away. I know now that the only place I belong is with you and your brother. I want to be beside you Dean. I want to stay With you" 

The angel's other hand made its way to the other side of Dean's face until he stood just holding the hunter's face between his hands. Dean let out a sigh at the contact, leaning in despite himself.

"Please. Please Dean. Let me stay with you"

Dean knew in that instant that he wouldn't want it any other way. Yeah things got complicated but that was the life they lived. Surely it would be better for it to be complicated with them together, that way they could fix things.. that way they could create something. 

He thought back to the words Castiel had whispered before putting Dean to sleep. Words he was almost sure he had misheard.

"Before you left.. you said something.." he pressed quietly, eyes lost in blue.

Castiel's stare faltered for a moment, his eyes blinking in surprise.

"You.. You heard that.." he said barely above a whisper.

Dean nodded as he brought his hands up to fist the front of Castiel's coat, holding tightly, afraid he may disappear again.

"Say it again"

"Dean.."

"Please Cas.. Say it"

"Why?" 

Dean swallowed thickly at the obvious fear in Castiel's voice. He was afraid to say it. Afraid that his feelings would not be returned. 

Why had Dean been so harsh towards Cas when he had tried to share his feelings? He knew it was fear and shame that had caused him to act that way. He wished he could take it back because now all he wanted to hear fall from the angels lips were those three words.

Then, as Dean watched, it was like a switch got flipped in Castiel's mind and his eyes became brave and sure.

"Dean Winchester I love you" Castiel stroked the hunters cheeks as he spoke. "I have loved you from the very moment I first saw you. I have given up everything I have ever known and i don't care because I am painfully, honestly.. totally.. in love with you" 

The warmth that spread through Dean's chest almost brought him to his knees. He probably would have gone down if not for Castiel's hands on his face and his grip on the angels coat. 

Castiel's eyes were wide and shining as he waited for a response, his body slowly drooping the longer Dean took to say anything. He was starting to think he had made a mistake. He began to pull away only to have Deans grip on his coat tighten and be pulled towards the hunter.

Their lips met in a desperate crash. Castiel's lips parted in surprise and Dean took the opportunity to push his tongue inside, finding the angels. The kiss quickly grew heated, Castiel moved his hands from Dean's face, running them down his chest, fingers clawing at his blood stained shirt.

They only separated when Dean pulled back for much needed air. After a few gulps of breath Castiel's mouth was on his again, pushing him back against the wall. Two sets of hands wandered needily, pulling at clothes. Castiel's coat fell to the floor shortly followed by Dean's shirt. 

Castiel's eyes raked down Deans bare chest, seeming to take in every inch of naked skin.

"You are beautiful Dean" he breathed, leaning forward to kiss at Dean's throat.

Dean's eyes slid shut, the compliment sending a shiver through his body, his hands finding their way to the angel's tie. He pulled it loose, letting it drop to the floor as his fingers worked on Cas' shirt buttons. Cas never took his mouth from Dean's throat, nipping and sucking at the sensitive flesh, adding marks alongside the other.

Before long Castiel's shirt was falling from his shoulders, leaving the two men topless. Dean ran his eyes down Castiel's form wondering to himself why he ever hesitated in the first place. 

He took Cas' hand, slowly lowering himself to the bed and pulling the angel down with him. Cas followed willingly, pressing his body against the hunters as they sank into the mattress. 

They were kissing again and Dean built up the courage he needed from the kiss, his fingers finding their way to Castiel's waistband and pushing at the fabric. Cas' eyes widened, searching Dean's for hesitation. Dean nodded slowly and Cas lifted his hips enough so that his trousers could be pushed down his thighs. Cas kicked them off and Dean found himself staring at Castiel's erection as it bobbed up and hit the angels stomach.

Then Cas was getting to his knees and the blush that formed on Dean's face must have been a sight to see when his eyes took in the naked angel before him. Cas reached out, sliding his fingers into the hoops of Deans jeans before looking up and catching his eye.

"May I?" He asked shyly, his own cheeks dusted pink. 

Dean nodded not trusting his voice and Castiel wasted no time pulling the jeans and boxers down and off Dean's legs. Then he sat back on his heels, allowing his eyes to drag down the full lengh of the hunters body. Dean could not help but fidget under the heavy blue gaze as Cas reached out placing his hand upon Dean's chest.

"Stunning" he mumbled, dragging his hand painfully slow down his chest and across his stomach. 

Dean grabbed his arm then, pulling him back down into a wet kiss. He gasped into the kiss when Castiel's erection rubbed against his own, his hips chasing the much needed friction. It was exhilarating and Dean found himself loving every second.

Castiel bit at the hunters lip, enjoying the small needy noises that he was pulling from him. Then Dean felt Cas' hand run between them and released a loud groan when the angel's large hand wrapped around both of their cocks.

"Fuck!" He practically yelled.

Castiel instantly paused, his face worried.

"Dean. Did I do something wrong?" 

"No" he breathed, leaning up to place a reassuring kiss to the angel's lips. "Just.. dont stop"

Castiel smiled, really smiled and Dean thought it was beyond beautiful.

"I didn't plan on it" 

Any smart ass come back Dean was planning on saying vanished when Casteil began to move his hand again. The movements were clumsy and a little rough but Dean found he didn't care. The shockwaves of pleasure that rose from his dick to the rest of his body were almost blinding. The feeling of Castiel's own erection against his own was sending him hurtling towards the edge.

Fuck. Oh god. Too soon! 

"Cas s-stop" Dean stuttered out between pants, grabbing at the angel's wrists. Castiel looked up at him, pupils blown wide, his lips parted with laboured breaths. Dean almost came just from the sight of Castiel looking so flustered and lust filled.

"D-dean.." it was almost a beg, it was clear it had taken everything he had to stop moving. 

Dean moved his hand from Cas' wrist, wrapping it around both their lengths. A shiver passed through Castiel's body as Dean's hand replaced his own. The hunter was more sure of his movements, dragging his hand up and sweeping his thumb across Castiel's slit, spreading the angels precum along their shafts.

Dean was marveling in the noises that he was making Castiel release. Sinful lust filled, explicit whimpers and moans that Dean decided he would never be able to get enough of.

"D-dean.." Castiel whimpered, clinging to the fairer haired man and his hips thrust involuntarily. "I.. Need.. Want.." 

"Tell me what you want Cas" Dean purred into his ear, smiling as another shudder traveled through Castiel's body.

"I want.." he looked up, his hooded eyes catching Dean forest orbs and holding them. "I want to become one with you"

Oh. 

It struck Dean all too soberly what that meant. But, to the hunter's surprise he realised he wanted that. He wanted to give Cas everything. 

"I would like that" he whispered.

Cas kissed him, gently moving between the hunters knees. Dean gently placed his hand on Castiel's chest pausing his movements, a shy expression coating his face.

"In my bag. We need lube" 

Castiel's face became one of confusion and Dean had to hold back a laugh.

"Trust me cowboy we need it"

Cas flushed deeper, trusting the human's experience and moving from the bed. He rummaged through the bag finding the bottle and crawling back onto the bed, sitting on his heels between Dean's knees. 

Dean closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to steady his heartbeat. 

'I want this..' he thought. 'Holy shit I really want this'

He opened his eyes when Cas had yet to move, having to hold back another laugh when he saw the confused look on the angels face. Dean realized with clarity that he had no idea what he was doing. Well at least he wasn't the only one.

He sat up, taking the bottle from Cas and taking his hand in his own. He was pretty sure he was now blushing head to foot as he guided Castiel's finger, squeezing a line of lube onto his digits. 

"You've done this before?" The angel asked, his face full of concentration.

Dean let out a chuckle, Cas was almost innocent, why had he ever been afraid?

"Not like this" he smiled.

He instructed Castiel on what to do and the angel set to work, rubbing the lube between his fingers to warm it.

Dean's whole body became rigid when the first finger entered him. He let out a gasp, causing Cas to look at him in concern but he nodded his head to let him know to continue. After a few minute Cas inserted another finger and Dean clutched at the sheets riving beneath him.

"Dean.." Castiel groaned, his body vibrating with arousal and need.

"I'm ready Cas" Dean practically moaned in response.

Then Cas was moving, guiding himself into Dean's entrance. Dean yelped when the tip of Cas' cock entered him, the sensation tripled compared to that of the fingers. Panic bubbled in his chest but was washed away by Castiel's lips on his, kissing away his worry and replacing it with pure pleasure. 

Castiel was still for a moment, pulling away from the kiss, his blue eyes asking for permission to move. Dean replied by wrapping his legs around Castiel's waist, pulling him into him more deeply, both of them groaning at the movement. Dean practically saw stars when Cas hit his prostate.

"Marvelous noises Dean" moaned Cas, his voice twice as thick, his muscles tense. 

Then that was it. The usually held together and in control Cas was gone. His hips rutting forward into Dean in out timed beats, hitting the hunters prostate over and over. All Dean could do was hold on for the ride, his whole body singing from being filled. Filled, fucked, complete. 

Dean's eyes flew open when Cas pushed all the way in and he was surprised at what he saw. Holy shit.. Was Cas glowing? 

"Dean. Mine. Need. Mine. Dean!" 

Cas repeated the words over and over like a mantra as his movements only sped up. Then with one last shuddering thrust Dean's eyes widened as Castiel's hot seed filled him up, the angel crying his name as his orgasm took over. As Dean's name tumbled over and over from the angel's lips he lost it as a mixture of warmth and angelic magic spread through his body, spilling his own cum between them.

Cas collapsed into Dean's arms, breathless and sated, nuzzling his face into the hunters chest and Dean clung to him, never wanting to let go. They lay together, Cas slowly softening inside him, still unwilling to pull out. The feeling of Castiel's grace slowly seeping out of Dean leaving him more relaxed than he had ever felt.

"Cas.. that was.. you were.. amazing" he breathed into the angels hair once he had finally caught his breath.

"Yes Dean that was.. perfect" replied the angel, lifting his head to look the hunter in the eyes. "I want to do it again"

Dean threw his head back and laughed. In that moment with Cas in his arms he felt happier than he had felt in years.

"Okay Casanova. But I wanna shower first" 

Cas looked disappointed for a brief moment until Dean began to untangle himself pulling the angel towards the shower with him. 

Cas smiled, a true smile. He never thought he could feel such happiness. He and Dean had become one. Each other's. Truly together. 

He laughed along with Dean as he followed him into the bathroom, pushing the door closed behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one chapter left 😱  
> Thankyou for everyone who had left comments and kudos, it means the world to me :D


	10. Become something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. The last chapter.  
> Thankyou for everyone who has read, Kudoed and commented my story, it really means so much to me.
> 
> Anyway..
> 
> Enjoy :)

Dean flipped the switch to the shower and stuck his hand under the water to check the temperature. Once he was happy with the warmth he stepped under it pulling Castiel along with him. He watched with a smile as Cas let out a deep sigh as the warm water ran over his exposed skin.

"This feels wonderful" he chirped, his eyes closing.

Dean chuckled, grabbing one of the hotel's complimentary sponges and wetting it. He soaped it up, stepping behind the angel and running it up his back. Castiel groaned at the contact and it coloured Dean's cheeks instantly. 

His movements stopped as he watched the angel. The warm water from the shower cascading down onto him, flattening his hair and making his skin glisten.

Castiel. Angel of the lord. The one who gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition. The one who had rebuilt him and given him Back to his brother. The one who had fought for them, bled for them and even died for them. The best friend Dean had ever had. The one that Dean could be himself around and not hide anything from. The one that Dean..

"I love you" he said.

Castiel's head turned towards him, blinking the water from his eyes. Dean stepped under the stream with him, pulling him against his body and resting his head in the crook of Cas' shoulder.

"I love you Castiel" he spoke against the angel's skin. "I'm so sorry it took me so long to figure it out"

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's body, hoping that the water would hide the tears that had bubbled to the surface at Dean's words.

"I love you Dean"

They stood under the water holding one another, letting the stream wash away the blood and dirt and the doubt that Dean had held onto for years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they finally stepped out of the bathroom, towels wrapped around their waists Sam was sitting at the table, his laptop open. He glanced up but quickly looked away seeing the state of undress his brother and the angel was in. 

"Oh.. ah" Sam stuttered, looking anywhere but at the pair. "Things went well then?"

"Yes Sam thankyou. Your brother and I have resolved our issues" Cas practically sang, causing a beaming smile to spread across Deans face.

"Good!" Sam smiled, taking a swig of coffee from his mug.

"Yess we became one" the angel beamed and Sam promptly spat his coffee across the table.

Dean stepped up behind Cas, an awkward smile on his face.

"We don't share that part Cas" he whispered as his brother tried to compose himself. 

Dean quickly collected Castiel's clothes from the floor handing them to the slightly confused angel and pushing him back towards the bathroom. Once the door clicked shut he took a steadying breath before turning to face his brother. Sam was trying to be as interested in what was on his screen as possible.

"My bad Sammy.. that er.." he said, scratching at the back of his head and glancing back to the closed bathroom door. 

"It's okay Dean" Sam said quickly, looking up from the laptop. "I'm.. I'm happy for you"

He stood up clearing his throat and offering his beacon red brother a reassuring smile.

"It's late and I need to sleep" he said, closing the laptop and standing from the table. 

"Where are you going?" Asked Dean as Sam made his way to the room door.

"I er.." he smiled, looking towards the bathroom. "I'm gonna crash in Bobby's room. I thought you two could er.. use the privacy" 

Against all natural reason Dean seemed to grow an even darker shade of red as Sam gave him a knowing look and left the room.

Dean stared after him until the bathroom door opened and Cas walked back into the room, his suit back in place.

"Where's Sam?" He asked, looking around the room for him.

"Staying with Bobby" replied Dean, turning to look at him, a large smile spreading across this face and revealing his teeth.

Cas could not help but return the infectious grin, taking a step towards the hunter. Dean did not miss the way Castiel's eyes raked down his body before they looked back up catching his green eyes with his own. 

A yawn escaped Dean then and all of the past few days adventures caught up with him all at once.

"You should rest Dean" Cas said softly, closing the gap between them and placing light fingers to Dean's forearm.

Dean nodded, taking hold of Castiel's hand.

"You'll er.." he struggled with the words for a moment before letting them out. "You'll stay with me?"

He was letting the angel see his vulnerability. The tone of his voice letting the angel know just how much he needed him to stay. He leant into Dean, resting his forehead against the hunters.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" 

Dean closed his eyes, rubbing his nose against Castiels before claiming his lips for a chaste kiss. They barely separated as they made their way back over to the bed and Dean was falling into it quickly. He looked up at Cas a cheeky smile on his face.

"You gonna take off that suit?"

"You instructed me to get dressed" 

"That was before I knew Sam was gonna leave. Now get naked and get in here!" Dean ordered softly. Removing the towel from around his waist and dropping it to the floor.

Cas didn't need to be asked twice as he quickly stripped off his clothes and climbed under the covers with Dean. Dean instantly snuggled close to Cas, letting out a content groan as Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's body, pulling him close. Dean laid his head on the angels chest, listening to the flutter of his heart beat.

With a swipe of the angel's hand the lights went out and they were left in darkness. Dean felt safe and warm in Cas' arms, he opened his eyes to peek up at the angel, just able to make out the silhouette of his face. He closed his eyes again wrapping his arm firmly around Castiel's waist and within a few minutes he was asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Cas stood by the Impala watching Sam and Dean say their farewell to Bobby. He smiled to himself as he watched Dean embrace the older hunter, closing his eyes as he did so. Words were exchanged between the three and the hunters all laughed together. Castiel almost chuckled himself, he did not hear the joke but seeing the crinkle by Dean's forest eyes as he laughed brought the angel joy.

He looked away up to the sky, his eyes tracking a bird as it flew to its destination. He thought that he had once been like that bird. So surely flying towards the destination that had been set for him, a destination that his peers and brothers had expected him to reach and he had been okay with that for the longest time. But, as he had learnt from his prolonged time with the Winchester's, things change and that's okay. It's okay to want something different than what is expected of you.

He had been afraid. Afraid to be free and choose his own path but Dean had taken that fear and crafted it into something else, something strong and sure. 

Dean Winchester.

He smiled up into the blue sky. His Dean. 

His small smile grew to a true grin, his teeth flashing in the late morning sunlight. He didn't know that true happiness could feel like this. Liberating. 

He knew if his brothers and sisters could see him now they would be beyond disappointed. An angel, a soldier falling for a human. But he didn't care, not anymore. He had fallen for Dean in every way and in his opinion he did not mind if he kept falling forever because he knew now that Dean would always be there to catch him and keep his head above water.

Wherever these boys went Cas would follow. He knew he would be content, happy even, by their side. By Dean's side.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean stood beside his brother as Bobby started his truck and drove out of the parking lot back towards Sioux falls. The brothers continued to stand shoulder to shoulder until the truck was out of sight.

Dean let out a long breath as he pulled his eyes away from the road, searching out the Impala. His eyes found the car easily but they did not settle on the sleek black surface instead drifting to the angel who leant against it.

Castiel was smiling to himself, staring up at the blue morning sky. He looked content and it warmed Dean.

Sam cleared his throat, bringing Deans attention to him.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm good. All healed and rested" he replied with a smile.

"I didn't mean that" Sam stated, turning to face his brother. "Do you still need time to.. sort out your head or R and R or whatever?"

Dean swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. 

"I think.. I think I'm good" 

As he spoke his eyes drifted back to Castiel who was now looking over at the brothers. Sam glanced over at Cas and the angel gave him a wave. Sam chuckled then, waving back before nudging his brother on the shoulder.

"Hey! What was that for?!" Dean moaned, rubbing his shoulder with a pout.

"I meant what I said last night. I am real happy for you dude" Sam beamed. 

"Er.. thankyou" Dean replied, his cheeks becoming red. "It's no big deal"

"It is" grinned Sam. "C'mon let's get something to eat. I think I spotted a case in the paper this morning"

Dean watched his brother walk towards the Impala. He stayed where he was for a moment letting everything sink in.

He really was okay and the realization shook him. He had been so weighed down for so long but today he felt.. lighter. It wasn't that everything was gone, he knew he would always be haunted by the past and scared for the future but now it just seemed more bearable.

He wasn't alone in this. He had his brother, Sammy who would always be there. And now he knew he had Castiel. His best friend. His lover. His cheeks became hotter just at the thought.

"Dean come on I'm starving" Sam called from the Impala and Dean waved his hand in reply.

He made his way back over to the car as Sam climbed into the passenger seat. Cas still stood outside, eyes watching Dean as he approached. 

"Dean" Cas practically sighed his name as he stopped in front of him.

The angel reached for him then hesitated, looking around the parking lot at the other people going about their day. He lowered his hands, knowing how hesitant Dean had been about his touch in public. Dean watched with his heart aching as Cas lowered his hands completely to his sides, looking down at his feet. 

He reached out himself, grabbing the lapels of his trench coat and pulling the angel flush to his body.

"Dea-" 

Castiel's surprised words were cut off but Dean's lips on his own. The kiss was soft as Dean lazily moved his lips over his. It held love and need and promise of more later. Then Dean pulled his mouth from Cas' and embraced the angel in a tight hug. Cas wrapped his arms around the hunter, resting his chin on his shoulder.

"There are people here Dean"

"I don't care Cas"

Castiel smiled.

"Thankyou" 

Dean's words were muffled as he hid his face in the crook of Cas' neck. Castiel frowned, pulling away just enough to be able to see Dean's face.

"Why do you thank me Dean?"

Green and blue caught each other as the pair looked at one another.

"For coming back. For staying. For.." he cleared his throat. "For loving me"

"Dean" Cas breathed, his hand gently touching the hunters cheek. "You never have to thank me. There was never a moment since seeing you that I did not love you"

Then the angel leant in, placing a chaste kiss to the hunters lips. In that moment Dean felt that there was no one else on the planet but them.

The sound of the Impalas horn being pressed brought them crashing back to reality. Sam stuck his head out the window to look at the couple.

"I don't mean to ruin the moment but.." Sam began.

"Yeah yeah! You're hungry" interrupted Dean, then his stomach let out a long growl. "And actually so am I!"

Cas chuckled as Dean pulled away from him with one last kiss to his cheek before climbing into the Impala. Castiel climbed into the back and as Dean started the engine he took one last look over his shoulder to the hotel. He would never forget this place. The place where he and Dean finally became something. 

He felt something nudging his arm and looked round to see Dean offering his hand, Cas took it and the Impala pulled away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou again 💓

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading <3
> 
> Comments and Kudos always appreciated :)


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